Profiles in delusion
Then [the Puffster] admitted that, under pressure, he had collaborated with others in an attempt to make the issue of the housing allowance go away. This, I think, was wrong, and Mr. Duffy says he regrets it. But it wasn’t just his own mistake, it was also the doing of others. Mr. Duffy, even while in poor health from heart disease, was the one to step forward and finally lift the veil on the secret – a conspicuous act of courage, for which the public should be grateful.
—Tom Flanagan, Globe and Minion, Oct. 24, 2013.
Ah, but a man’s reach should exceed his grasp, or what’s a metaphor?
I am trying to think of the appropriate football metaphor. The government is, let us say, a touchdown behind. It is on its own 30 yard line, and while there is plenty of time still to play, it has had noticeable lack of success in moving the ball of late. What play does it call? A “Hail Mary” pass? An end around, outflanking its opponents to the right or left? A hard charge up the centre? If you watched this Throne Speech, you’d have to say the quarterback took a knee.
—Andrew Coyne, National Post, Oct. 16, 2013
So, apparently, do “humourless,” “right-wing” and “harridan”
SMU’s chanting freshies are the flotsam of a mainstream culture lauding contraception and abortion for underage girls, contorting gender identity and making sexual variation a protected human right. They are probably healthier in their view of sex than the constipated postwar adults of the ’50s and it is largely their elders—or students who have grown mindless and fat on a diet of moddish Doddsish victim mentality—who get so fussed by bad words. (Only some bad words: Israeli “anti-apartheid” week goes by uncensored.)
—Barbara Amiel, Maclone’s, Sept. 13, 2013.
Fall, and a middle-aged man’s thoughts turn to R values
Constitutional change — which is what Senate reform requires — is the foam insulation of political priorities. It swells into every crack and sliver of a government’s focus. It suffocates its way across a prime minister’s agenda until it lodges and hardens there, satisfied only when there’s no space or oxygen left for competing items of interest.
—Scott Reid, Ottawa Petfinder, Aug. 24, 2013
Tin ear alley
As soon as I sang “I’m a little lost at sea, I’m a little birdie in a big old tree, ain’t nobody looking for me, out here on the highway,” I [thought] ‘I now have this one moment I have to live up to in the rest of the song. Because it’s too good an idea.'”
—Singer/songwriter/egomaniac John Mayer on songwriting, Q, CBC Radio, Sept. 2, 2013
Also, depends what century you’re in
If you want to get light and bright stuff, you watch Dick Clark, you know? But if you want a serious take on the world, you’ll turn on Walter Cronkite. Depends what mood you’re in.
—Warren Kinsella, Sept. 5, 2013
Turtles speak English!?
[T]his is Canada, and offending someone is a hate crime. There are, for example, people who are offended by the word “Canada” itself. Who gives us the right to call this aboriginal, First Nations land mass, colonized by white fascists, Canada? To even use the term is discriminatory, as is calling Toronto Toronto, when the real name is Turtle Island, even though the turtles never officially gave us the right to steal their land and their title.
—Michael Cornhole, Toronto Sun, Oct. 3, 2013.
Way too late for that
There is no compelling evidence that gun control prevents crime, but libraries of evidence that criminals will use anything, including guns, to hurt others and break the law. Listen to the peacemakers, the neutrals, the makers of chocolate and cheese. Yes, listen to the Swiss. You will take my common sense from my cold, dead brain.
—Michael Cornhole, Toronto Sun, Sept. 19, 2013