Team Trudeau Catches Cyrus Virus

Poor Cyrus Reporter. It seems that in the Trudeau Party, success has many fathers but failure, that’s Cyrus’ brat!

Trudeau’s chief of staff is still wearing the horns for Lt.-Gen. Andrew Leslie’s shambolic press conference at the Liberal policy clambake. Cyrus was supposed to keep the soi-dissant star candidate on-leash, four questions and out, no follow-ups.

Instead, Reporter stood gormlessly by as Leslie lamely freelanced about his $70,000 house move and past flirtations with the Tories, cheerfully digging himself ever-deeper into the merde.

It wasn’t all Cyrus’ fault. General Leslie, it seems, is accustomed to deference and takes neither press criticism nor staff advice terribly well. Still, it was Reporter’s shit-show.

The rebarbative Rhodes Scholar was a surprise hire for Team Trudeau, which had made such a conspicuous show of generational change, recruiting eager young things under the leadership of Gerald Butts and Katie Telford.

Cyrus was royally fucking things up for Allan Rock when most of these kids were still in braces, but he turned his formidable suck-and-blow skills on Butts and Telford, much in the way he braunnosed his way to survival in the Paul Martin regime.

The Rock machine stalwart enjoyed a markedly softer landing than almost any other Liberal who’d dared oppose Junior for the party leadership.

Post-putsch, while countless others went up against the wall, Cyrus found himself acclaimed Secretary-Treasurer of the party and then tapped to handle media in the war room for the Liberals’ ‘06 election debacle. Paranoiac Rock loyalists began wondering if the cock-ups that occurred on Reporter’s watch and crippled their boy’s leadership aspirations were almost too numerous to have been accidental.

Again, it was hardly Cyrus’ fault that at Justice and Health, his accident-prone boss kept getting stuck with radioactive files, from Hep C to the gun registry to Airbus. But the charmless Reporter always seemed to have a special instinct for refining crisis into disaster.

As chief spokesthingy on the Airbus bribery case, a dick-stretching Cyrus noisily vowed the government – and Justice Minister Rock — would never relent in their pursuit of Public Enemy Byron Muldoon. A few days before the infamous $2.1-million defamation settlement with Muldoon, Cyrus simply stopped returning media calls and dropped out of sight.

And then there was the 2001 Cipro schmozzle, when Health Minister Rock, at the height of  post-9/11 anthrax hysteria, tried to order 900,000 knockoff doses of the antibiotic from generic drug-maker Apotex, much to the apoplexy of Bayer AG, who, er, owned the patent.

In the event, taxpayers shelled out $1.3 million to Apotex for pills they never produced, and $2.25 million to Bayer for a legit shipment.

Again, fingers pointed to Cyrus, who, it was said had masterminded the illegal scheme with his boss only minimally in the loop. Sticking it to some foreign pharmaceutical profiteer, after all, in order to amass a stockpile of life-saving drugs had seemed a no-brainer.

And, to Cyrus, the math was even simpler. Apotex Inc. had donated $15,472 to the Liberal Party of Canada the previous year and another $7,152 to the campaigns of various individual Grits. Apotex government relations weasel Elie Betito had sweetened the pot with $1,600 of his own money.

Bayer had coughed up a measly $1,446.

Frank fact: In the fall of 2006, with both Rock and Martin consigned to the outhouse of history, roach-like survivor Cyrus registered as a lobbyist for…Bayer!

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