Ben Harper’s Barf Mitzvah

A belated Happy Birthday to first son Ben Harper, who hit the age of strong, stable majority on April 19.

Harper the Younger staged a boffo 18th birthday bash for Lisgar Collegiate school chums at 24 Sussex, the public housing project in which he has spent so many of his formative years.

Alas, as the hospitality intensified, one of the young ladies in attendance became over-refreshed and wandered out of the house, roaming the grounds and, depending on whose recollection one relies upon, stumbled into a pickup game of tonsil hockey — though most assuredly not with her host!

She was last seen at the gates, much-discombobulated and yakking vigorously, under the escort of 24’s crack RCMP security detail. The House Horsemen called the Ottawa cops (obliged to), who in turn summoned an ambulance (pro forma), to whisk the poor girl to hospital.

Ms. X made a full recovery, and really was just honouring the finest Lisgar tradition. Like an errant glob of bile on one’s school tie, the doctrine persists that you can’t mount a truly momentous campaign without sustaining a few casualties.

And the mishap was nothing compared to the near-tragedy of ‘99, when an Ashbury College student came within a chug-a-lug of the great last call at the home of then-Liberal cabmin Allan Rock.

Rock and wife Debbie weren’t home when a pissup hosted by their daughter, Lauren, got out of hand.

Blitzed on booze pilfered from Al’s liquor cabinet, two boys staggered across the street and commenced projectile vomiting. One became so violently ill that he was admitted to hospital with alcohol poisoning.

Then, as now, nobody breathed a word about the indecorous incident — and that, too, is per tradition.

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7 comments on “Ben Harper’s Barf Mitzvah
  1. Buckwheat says:

    Same story plays all over our fine country: shit happens when teenagers get their hands on booze. Did the lass pre-lube or get oiled mostly on-site? Did she raid Stevie’s cabinet or did she pack her own mickey? Blessing or no? Unless the President supplied or gave the nod, this ain’t news, it’s just sad.

    • mmedesevigne says:

      Sorry, but according to the Conservative Doctrine of Personal Accountability, parents are deemed to be responsible for whatever stupid crap kids get up to in their homes. Where was the adult supervision? If this had happened at Justin Trudeau’s house, Steve would never have let us hear the end of it. Oh, the hypocrisy!!

    • portabletrading says:

      You do realize what magazine you’re reading, right? It’s news here.

  2. OJM says:

    All’s well that ends well, I suppose. Still and all, this is no way for a future Hereditary President of Canada to carry on.

  3. portabletrading says:

    Kids, this is why you should smoke pot instead. Just make sure it’s clean, not that Rideau Street crap.

  4. Mikeonthebike says:

    Typical of subsidized housing, mom and dad out

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