Latest Drivel

What about Airhead? Does Airhead ring a bell?
“Yvette is my birth name, yes. But Chaka is my spiritual name…. But sometimes I am Chaka. And sometimes I’m Nana, and sometimes I’m Yvette. I’m a lot of people. I am, whatever that is.”
—Chanteuse Chaka Khan, quoted by Deirdre Kelly, Globe and Mail, June 18, 2014.

Among residents of North Korean labour camps, that’s long been known as “Sunday dinner”
This concept of “edible soil” has spawned advocates across the globe, and it’s now relatively common in restaurants with a modern or molecular bent…. Blumenthal traces the idea to Japanese chef Yoshihiro Narisawa, who is known for his soil soup featuring burdock, spring water and, of course, dirt.
—Jon Sufrin, Globe and Mail, June 25, 2014.

OMG, what if it wasn’t organic, fair-trade, free-range, gluten-free smudge!?
We’ve rarely been as nervous as we were during our first smudging.
—Craig and Marc Kielburger, Globe and Mail, June 26, 2014.

Natural selection at work
In my 20s, I had a girlfriend who was very important to me…. Call her Sally…. After some months…I was studying in my carrel at the library when I fell over and gashed my forearm. It became infected, swelled like a Popeye arm, and I wound up in hospital …with a could’ve-been life-threatening blood infection. And “Sally” never visited!
—Globe and Mail agony aunt Dave Eddie, June 26, 2014,

Er, perhaps you’re buying the wrong size
I hate condoms. It’s like trying to kiss someone with your head in a sack.
—More Aunt Dave,June 20, 2014.

Kid no. 4 would likely concur
Speaking of sacks, I do have an opinion on your situation…. From what you’ve told me, I think he should get a vasectomy…. I’m very pro-snip. I got one after our third kid…. It was the best move I ever made, in fact.
—Ibid.

What a jerk-off!
A sketch of Pee-wee Herman has been stolen from its home of 25 years on the wall of an ice cream shop in New Hampshire…. Owner Beth Gilbert says the store was full of people when the theft occurred and that two female customers saw a man take the sketch and walk out.
—Ottawa Citizen, June 24, 2014.

A case for waterboarding
Q Can you recommend a cool place to go on a hot day? I’m not that keen on beaches.
A Sure, take a trip to Carp.
Q Carp? You mean the quiet little village to the west of Ottawa?
A That’s it. It has interesting stuff to do and see, including the amazing Diefenbunker Museum, which is cool in every sense of the word.
Q Really? How so?
A Well, they don’t call it the Cold War museum for nothing. (Sorry, just joking.)
—Kristin Goff interrogates…Kristin Goff, Ottawa Citizen, June 21, 2014.

 

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3 comments on “Latest Drivel
  1. Papadoc says:

    Sorry Dave, I fully understand Sally. Who the hell would want to continue with a guy who somehow manages to gash his arm in a library carrel?

  2. orphancarguy says:

    Not only a library carrel, but only almost possibly was serious. Butt of many jokes at the Student Union I betcha. (I wonder if the Armed Forces has a special Meritorious Conduct ribbon for the way-back-from-the-frontline troops suffering injuries not under fire in peacetime?)

  3. portabletrading says:

    Just as Tegan and Sara dropped the folk act when they realized EDM brought home the bacon, expect to see The Asperger Bros. at a Bytown trough near you once the NGO lolly stops.

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