What a treat to see my old friend Dr. Shafiq Qaadri back in the news.
Longtime subscribers will recall that Dr. Q., MPP for Etobicoke North and Kathleen Wynne’s parliamentary assistant, was immortalized at Queen’s Park for telling NDP windbag Marilyn Churley in a raucous session of the leg. to shut up and get over her “hot flashes.”
These days, the colourful Dr. Q., when not tending to his parliamentary duties, leads an exciting double life as a GP and aspiring author.
Alas, some of his patients failed to appreciate Dr. Q.’s literary ambitions. They felt neglected, as recounted in the pages of website ratemymd.com: “Wait time is three hours on average. Not at all polite with kids. My kids hate going there…takes on more patients than he can handle…wait four hours…rude…terrible experience.”
Perhaps Dr. Q. could leave a few of his best-sellers around the waiting room, give his disgruntled patients something to occupy their precious time.
Doubtless, his 2012 “medical thriller” Bio-Jihad & the Pleasure-5 Surgery, would do wonders for his erectile dysfunction clients.
It’s the tale of a new sexual enhancement procedure performed by a Middle Eastern surgeon that makes women irresistible to their men.
–“I will implant a tongue-like muscle two inches inside the vaginal opening. The VagTongueTM. This too moves under voluntary control. The result? Please-5, a fusion of oral and vaginal sex. A mix of active and passive intercourse.”
–“We anchor the VagTongueTM in the middle, at the o’clock position, two inches inside the vaginal cavity…sorry, we have not managed to design our VagTongueTM for taste. It only senses touch, friction, vibration and heat.”
–“This Pleasure-5 operation, which I have had myself, is part of a new feminist trend of empowering women. Putting them in the driver’s seat. I would recommend this to any American woman.”
Dr. Q., who writes under the nom de plume of S.Q. Cheever, MD., recently told The Sun’s Christina Blizzard:
“I tried to fictionalize and write something that was a little racy and exciting about the different things that I’m aware of — things to do with government, things to do with medicine, things to do with eastern cultures.”
More Qaadri bon mots from Bio-Jihad & the Pleasure-5 Surgery:
-“Too bad we can’t just dump the body at sea,” Annie said. “Been there, done that. Remember Bin Laden’s corpse? You can only get away with that so many times.”
-“Yes, Vee are ready when Amereeka is ready.”
-“Memories of expired wedding plans flashed through her mind.”
-“He missed her girlish laughter, the way her brunette bangs swayed.”
-“There better not be any leaks to those bastards at the New York Times. No one’s going to win a Pulitzer Prize on my watch.”
-“Whether Jennifer fainted from the shock of the photos or the impact of the accident, they could only guess later.”
-“They had slipped into the old combat patterns. Unclaimed baggage was circling them both.”
-“For now, fangs were retracted, and venom was allowed to dry. Dinner was served.”
-“Filled with determination, Riker got on the elevator.”
-“Without realizing, he grabbed Susan and kissed her on the lips, hard. She was shocked, but didn’t mind.”
-“Specifically, I appreciate your promptitude.”