Remedial Minion: Globe moofin-munchers under surveillance

Strike talk and barbed wire are a distant memory at the Globe and Minion, but there’s still no shortage of paranoia, thanks to Phil “Creepy” Crawley’s non-stop scrutiny of the comings and goings of his wary flunkies.

The Globe publisher has his security forces—those morbidly obese gasbags on the main floor—under orders to keep a watchful eye on truant Globe hacks who might be guilty of “time theft.”

Earlier this year, a handful of typists on night shift, their work complete, were spotted leaving the building at 12:30 am, half an hour before they were officially off the clock.

This was all too much for the goose-steppers in HR and Stan Dellaroca, one of the paper’s best headline writers, got hauled up before the Star Chamber and reprimanded for “time theft.”

Ditto Betty Ann Track and Jim Phillips, who, although they took early buy-outs, still had letters of reprimand placed in their files prior to their departures.

Fast forward several months, to a recent town hall meeting, where management showered praise on the cost-cutting team that successfully trimmed $25 million from the editorial budget.

Of course, no one had the temerity to mention the steady increase in the daily incidence of copy cock-ups, grammar errors, typos and spelng mistakes, i.e., “University Grads See College Dimploma as Key to Jobs.”

It turns out that in order to save that $25 mil, the Globe had to axe most of its copy editors and proofreaders.

As the paper keeps hemorrhaging dough, doubtless the Thomsons will outsource even more work to the India ink-stained wretches of their giant Reuters newsroom in Bangalore.

Copywallahs are standing by.

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5 comments on “Remedial Minion: Globe moofin-munchers under surveillance
  1. Papadoc says:

    Soon, subscribers will be asked to write their own news stories.

  2. orphancarguy says:

    Papadoc, subscribers will be required to write their own news stories. Each subscription–at a premium price of course–will come with a deluxe ‘Spil ‘n Spel’ tumbler so subscribers can make up their own take on today’s wurd sldaa. Spiced up with facts to your own taste, of course!

  3. pipson52 says:

    There is a tendency among Indian and South Asian newspapers to avoid using the word “the.” Hence sentences describing “the Prime Minister” or “the gang” or “the star” become “Prime Minister spoke to gang of reporters before meeting star of Bollywood films.” Cannot wait to see the Globe take on the new Bangalore syntax.

  4. portabletrading says:

    Write Your Own Wente Column should be an easy, predictable algorithm.

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