Mega Drivel: Leah McLaren

…I don’t actually believe, as so many of our politicians (and Facebook friends) seem to, that some humans are inherently evil. People do evil stuff, but it’s not impossible to comprehend why. Misguided and secretly terrified people have been bigging themselves up by forcibly converting others to their religion, annexing sovereign territories, terrorizing the innocent, even committing rape and genocide for quite a while now. It’s about achieving control and power through violence – a very twisted way of feeling safe. These acts are certainly barbaric, but they are hardly inexplicable. As a species, we are inherently tribal. But that doesn’t mean we should fear other tribes. It means we should fear our fear of other tribes—because that is the root of true evil. All the other stuff—the black flags, beheadings, rape and killing – is just a grand, cartoonish horror show to distract from this terrible underlying fear.
—Leah McLaren, Globe and Mail, Sept. 25, 2014.

Also, the car hadn’t been invented yet, so that’s another obstacle
“Hey wait,” you may be saying to yourself at this point. “Are you saying it’s a feminist act to simply drive my Mazda to my job as a dental hygienist? That sounds a bit extreme.” But no, it is not extreme. Because just a few generations ago, if you happened to be a woman, you would not have been permitted by law to have a postsecondary education, so you would not have been permitted to have a skilled job, thus you would have had no money to purchase your Mazda, which you would not have been allowed to drive around on your own anyway.
—More Leah, Globe and Mail, Sept. 25, 2014.

Struck deaf on the road to Damascus, but sadly not mute
My ear had not been working for about a week, following a particularly bad sinus cold…. The cold was gone but the ear was still plugged…. “Usually clears up in about two months…,” said the posh doctor…. It’s strangely unpleasant, this process of being forced into the ranks of the invisibly unwell. But it’s made me more aware of people whose lives are constricted by ill health, whose struggles we generally ignore because they aren’t bleeding or limping or anything…. [L]ooking back I think that’s what I secretly believed: that invisibly ailing people should really just suck it up and get over themselves. And if they couldn’t, the least they should do was shut up about it.
—Still more Leah, Globe and Mail, Oct. 2, 2014.

Chivalry, slavery–I always get the two confused
He will hold your purse and fan you while speaking deferentially with a foreign accent, if that’s what does it for you….. Man servants are attentive, platonic gigolos employed to snap Instagram photos, mix cocktails and pay compliments at regular intervals. For $125 (U.S.) an hour, clients get to name their charge and do anything they want with him, except have sex. Earlier this month, Time magazine reporter Katy Steinmetz and her girlfriends test-drove a ManServant for her bachelorette. They named him Spartacus and had him recite poetry while following Steinmetz around with a paper umbrella. Occasionally, they used his hands as coasters for their wine glasses…. The services fill a void created by the feminist wave: the antiquated pleasure of chivalry….
—Zosia Bielski, Globe and Mail, Sept. 26, 2014.


Post romantic stress disorder
Certainly, if I’m interested in a woman, I’m not asking her to go “gear shopping.” (Or maybe I am—but anyway that’s me. The girls all treated Teenage Dave Eddie like a big, cuddly teddy bear, giggling and breathing in my ear, and generally working me into a white-hot state. It’ll take a lifetime to wear off.)
—Hisself, Globe and Mail, Sept. 26, 2014.

Hey, she’s still got it!
Was there anything that was hard to write?
Yes, the piece on bulimia. I started writing it and it just poured out of me.
—SCTV vet Andrea Martin, interviewed by Mark Kennedy, Globe and Mail, Oct. 1, 2014.

Translation: Every raghead in town knows my address by heart
75 minutes. 5 calls. No cab. Tonight I see the need for more competition with @Uber // @Uber_Ottawa #ottcity
—Foreign Affairs min John Beard, Oct. 4, 2104.

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One comment on “Mega Drivel: Leah McLaren
  1. Papadoc says:

    Leah: you’ve been among the “ranks of the visibly unwell” for lo on many a year!

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