Who’s Tory now?

It’s little wonder that John (Tory, Tory) Tory is cranky and nervous as he runs the last leg of his seemingly endless race for any elective office that might have him.

Save for a 2005 by-election handed him by former Ontario Premier Ernie (Baby, You Can Clean My) Eves, is 0 for 3, having lost to, in chronological order, then-unknown David Miller, then-unknown Kathleen Wynne and finally to still-unknown Rick Johnson.

And while he has a huge lead heading into the last month of the mayoralty campaign, if anyone knows how to snatch humiliation from the jaws of mere embarrassment it’s JT.

With the race John’s to lose, everyone at Team Tory is on edge these days, trying to keep a lid on leader, and praying he doesn’t say something dumb.

But that wouldn’t be John.

At a recent appearance, His Worship-To-Be was sailing along nicely, droning the usual platitudes and prevarications, when out of the blue, he began gibbering about “native teens in Toronto,” and the need to address the “problem” of aboriginal yout’, and he’s the guy to do it, blah de blah.

Backstage, Tory’s handlers were blowing head valves, chief among them Chris Eby, the former CTV news reporter-turned flak, now chief factotum for the Tory campaign.

As he led Tory back to his getaway limo, Eby asked, “Why on earth would you say that? What are you doing? It does you no good to talk about native youth in Toronto!” “For one thing, there’s fuck all you can do about it,” he continued. “And for another, the only thing you could do is go cap in hand to Ottawa, which would make you look like a loser.”

“I won’t be dictated to,” Tory snapped back. “I’m my own man!”

This will come as news to anyone who has followed John Tory’s various political trajectories south.

“Young” John (the common appellation to distinguish him from his late father, John A. Tory, who made bank steering the good ship Thomson toward 20 billion dollars), has always taken a somewhat limp dick approach to life, rarely standing up to anyone but guys like Eby–the guy he’s paying to take shit.



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5 comments on “Who’s Tory now?
  1. orphancarguy says:

    ‘Mogadon Man’ indeed.

    From Wikipedia, “Nitrazepam is a hypnotic drug of the benzodiazepine class, indicated for the short-term relief of severe, disabling anxiety and insomnia. It also has sedative and motor-impairing properties, as well as amnestic, anticonvulsant, and skeletal muscle relaxant effects.

    Not sure if he needs it, or his effect on possible potential voters (and other shut-ins) is at the forefront. Either way, ZZZZzzzzzzzz……

  2. Patrick60 says:

    It would be terrible if he drifted in because people can’t stand Chow.

  3. OJM says:

    On the other hand, he spends his nights foiling the dastardly schemes of Toronto’s super-criminals dressed as a bat.

  4. portabletrading says:

    Vote Chow. She’s clean.
    After all, she used to get Jack to buy her the pot, and certainly never had poundage in her boat, nor sold it on James Gardens.

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