Liberal, Tory, dirty stories…

Car broken into in Ottawa tonight on Queen street. briefcase stolen. Filed police report. Security camera may have caught perpetrator.
– Dimitri Soudas, Twitter, Feb 19.

Yes, back and all secure after #RogersHome alarm went off. Computers cleared & backed to clouds. Have nothing good but amazing cookware!
– Eve Adams, Twitter, Mar. 1.

The Liberals’ acquisition of pre-enjoyed power couple Eve Adams and Dimitri Soudas has ramped up the stakes in their ratfuck rodeo with the Tories, and the coming campaign is shaping up to be one of the sleaziest ever.

After years in the bowels of the CPC and PMO, Dimitri is privy to much damaging intel on his erstwhile comrades. Of particular interest are the more outré adventures of the party’s deep-in-the-armoire gay caucus, at least two anecdotes from which, Frank tantalizingly hears, might still be of interest to the constabulary.

The Tories, meanwhile, have been stockpiling unspecified biographical tidbits on Justin Trudeau, ready for deniable distribution to the Sun, should the Liberal leader’s campaign polling numbers grow too lofty.

They say the apple doesn’t fall far from the tree, and young Justin has inherited not only mother Maggie’s intellect, but father Pierre’s libido (Barbra Streisand, Liona Boyd, Margot Kidder, etc).

Rumours have followed like dew on a shillelagh, and the gregarious scion has done little to dispel the tattle.

Party gossips still titter about his long and blatant night of dirty dancing with Gerard Kennedy commsthingy Amanda Alvara at the ’06 leadership convention. The vivacious blonde Narrative PR suprema is still very much on the Liberal scene, and was the organizer and moderator of the fateful 2013 “ladies night,” when Justin ended up waxing wistful about the efficiency of Chinese dictatorship.

For years, Justin was on the road pressing the ol’ flesh while bride Sophie remained chez Trudeau avec brats, keeping the home fries burning. The unofficial party line used to be that Justin, while perhaps adapting slowly to married life, had cleaned up his travelling road show since nailing the party leadership, but these days questions in this area are increasingly just avoided.

Instead, Tories are being threatened through back channels that the Grits have splurged on private investigators to gather evidence about which married Conservative MPs have been paying for professional help with their horizontal mambo.

But will any of this slime actually slosh out into the public domain?

Liberal-backed revelations in the final days of the 2011 campaign of Jack Layton’s presence in a T.O. rub’n’tug during a police raid famously failed to produce, er, a happy ending. The smear backfired spectacularly and the Dippers marched on to form Her Majesty’s Loyal.

There are hopes on both sides that more squeamish heads prevail and a détente, brought on by the prospect of mutually assured destruction, will keep everyone’s boners on the down-low.

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5 comments on “Liberal, Tory, dirty stories…
  1. thisguy says:

    Frank, please, more tattle, and less tattle of the tattle. And what about the cocaine?

    • mmedesevigne says:

      Or as we say in Philosophy: “There’s the thing, then the talk about the thing.” I say let’s get straight to everybody’s thing! Damn the torpedoes; ramming speed!!

  2. Steve-O says:

    Here’s hoping that Frank will get the scoop on most of this dirt. It could be a very entertaining time, both before and during the election campaign.

    As for saying that Justin inherited his mother’s intellect, it’s obvious that he also inherited her flighty nature. God help this country if he becomes PM.

  3. Harry says:

    Steve-O. Supposedly God helped us when providing President Steve. I don’t think we need his/her help on the next one.

  4. OJM says:

    Meanwhile, at the PMO…

    “OK, let’s see what we’ve got here…hip flask full of ouzo…autographed eight-by-ten of Sy Sperling…copy of Frank…”

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