You Gotta Break a Few Eggs to FHRITP!

Sometimes I just don’t understand this world. Too many goddamn acronyms for starters.

Like this “FHRITP” nonsense that’s all over the so-called news. Just say “Disappoint the wife right in fishmonger’s alley” and I’d know precisely what you’re talkin’ about, believe me!

Anyway, if I’m readin’ my Metro correctly, it seems like some lads have taken to yellin’ out this phrase to pretty reporters they see on the street.

How stupid can some idiots be? Sure, they get the ladies’ attention, but they really need to make more of an effort to impress if they hope to get anywhere with ’em.

Even an old salt-lick like me knows you gotta sell the sausage. It won’t kill ya to make small talk about how Kessel’s a bum, and then say somethin’ nice about their dumb hair. It costs nothin’, and pretty soon you’ll have even the CBC girls eatin’ out of your pants.

I thought maybe things had changed, after Mayor Ford’s pussy eatin’ press conference, and people could finally talk on TV like adults about snatches and whatnot, but it seems like we’ve taken a giant step backwards.

But there’s an election comin’ up, and the first candidate who says “fur burger” on national television has got my vote. And I know I’m runnin’ a risk that it could be Justin, because I can imagine that comin’ out of his mouth by accident, but ever since he stood up for C-51 he doesn’t scare me that much.

But mind, I have no objection to firin’ that fella from Hydro One. If I had my way I’d fire all of ’em.

And if Mr. Wynne has her way and unloads the thing on some lucky Chinaman I suppose that’ll come to pass.

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