Latest Drivel. Special Tubby Black Edition

A triptych of twin tragedies
Mulcair gets a good pass on admitting refugees (piquant from someone who told Parliament that admitting me to Canada three years ago was wrong and an act of racism when a person of another pigmentation was denied—I was a refugee from injustice too).
—Conrad, Lord Tubby, National Post, Sept. 12, 2015.

I am not a sentimental person, and yet the photograph of tiny Alan Kurdi, 3, has me in knots. The misery of it required strong medicine, which is my case was watching a YouTube video titled The Saddest Bookworm repeatedly until sated, which I am not. The video…is about a baby who cries repeatedly when his parents reach the end of the seminal tale I Am a Bunny, about a bunny who hops about, as bunnies do…. I was enjoying the baby’s outrage because it was the kind that is soothed within seconds, unlike Alan’s pain, and his family’s pain.
—Heather Mallick, Toronto Star, Sept. 4, 2015.

“When I was working in news, 9/11 happened and I would go into work every day and tell the same story over and over and over again…. With ET Canada, the reporting and producing is no different, the mechanism is the same. Whether you like it or not, Kim Kardashian matters….”
—Roz Weston, interviewed by Courtney Shea, Globe and Mail, Aug. 17, 2015.


And that means housebroken and with a mental age greater than an eight-year-old boy’s
At a campaign event in the same part of Toronto Dutaud was running to represent, Conservative Leader Stephen Harper was asked what the controversies involving the two candidates meant for his party. “What this means is that we keep the highest standard for candidates and these two individuals are no longer candidates,” Harper said.
—CBC News, Sept. 7, 2015.

Not to worry, those horrible intervals will soon pass
I am writing in a state of pain caused by extreme boredom with an election campaign that will last 11 weeks. [B]ut the kind of boredom I’m feeling is caused by pain, not tedium…. I will illustrate this point. Last week I…went to see my dentist…. I was laid horizontal on that chaise longue arrangement…while mouth-spreading frames and tongue control racks were inserted into me. My mouth, that is. [M]y father was a gynecologist and I’m always disturbed by those long chairs, having once had a terrible experience with an elderly Catholic gynecologist wearing a fishing hat loaded with sharp fish hooks…. Poe-like, “I became insane, with long intervals of horrible sanity.”
—Heather Mallick, Toronto Star, Sept. 16, 2015.

Alan Kurdi, for instance
The leaders of ISIS count on us to rush to the aid of hapless and hurting asylum seekers, to lower our guard (and the barriers at our borders) out of compassion. Why wouldn’t they use the current crisis…to slip their operatives into the West…? Canada has agreed to take 11,300 Syrian refugees of whom 2,200 have already arrived. This may not satisfy the NDP and Liberals who are so keen to attract Muslim voters in Canada’s largest cities that they have used little Alan Kurdi’s tragic death as a political club against the Harper Tories. But the Tories are doing the right thing by letting refugees enter Canada only after screening out any potential terrorists in their midst.
—“Two-gun” Gunter, Postmedia Network, Sept. 8, 2015.

At a crossroads, are they?
Republicans find themselves at the confluence of two powerful political streams, a fortuitous occurrence complicated by the fact that the streams are colliding, as if rolling inexorably toward each other from two mighty sources diametrically opposite.
—Conrad, Lord Tubby, National Review, Sept. 15, 2015

OK, well maybe one
The Republicans have a lock on that vast mass of sensible Americans disgusted with the incompetence, trumpery, cowardice, corruption, and chicanery of the last 20 years [as well as] a justice system that fattens the lawyers, terrorizes the nation, and fails to prosecute big-business crooks….
—Tubby, op. cit.

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5 comments on “Latest Drivel. Special Tubby Black Edition
  1. Papadoc says:

    Pity the “mouth-spreading frames and tongue control racks” were ultimately removed. Mallick suffers (inter alia) from a common journalistic dementia, which is thinking that typing news stories equals being a novelist. They should just stick to typing the “who, when, what, where, why” that they were rotely taught in journo school. Leave the metaphors, similes, allegories and imaginative creations to novelists.

  2. orphancarguy says:

    Crossroads, cross purposes, CrossHarbour. Its all seafoam, fog and sand to me.

  3. Patrick60 says:

    “Fails to prosecute big business crooks”? I can think of one or two.

  4. Trippetta says:

    Every second column of Mallick’s is about her dentist fetish. And congrats to her and Tubby for making the refugee crisis all about them.

  5. mmedesevigne says:

    RE: Two-Gun Gunter’s idiotic comment. It’s too bad he didn’t see fit to explain the criteria that would be used to weed out someone who MIGHT do something.

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