Shurely Schurm Mishtake?!

Bunker Babies: OPCYA prez Kinsey Schurm (c) hunkers in the cabinet war room of the Diefenbunker with communications director Madison McSweeney (l) and secretary-treasurer Michael Klimuntowski (r).

Bunker Babies: OPCYA prez Kinsey Schurm (c) hunkers in the cabinet war room of the Diefenbunker with communications director Madison McSweeney (l) and secretary-treasurer Michael Klimuntowski (r).

Let there be no doubt that the Tories emerge from their Vancouver be-in the very model of a modern Conservative Party: low taxes, low morals, heck, even a skirt for interim leader!Let Saskatchewan bible-basher Brad Trost fulminate about the “socialist” menace of same-sexy marriage all he wants, the party is striding confidently into the late 20th century.(The extremely straight member for Saskatoon-University, I note, married delightful spouse Gerelt, co-congregant at his fundie Elim Church, after a chaste Christian courtship of seven years or so. Last April, after a couple more years of closing their eyes and thinking of defunding Planned Parenthood, unto them a daughter was born.)

In the face of such Tory Enlightenment, we are deeply saddened to hear that the flower of the party’s yout’ has been targeted with specious accusations of tar-pittery.

Take Michael Klimuntowski, puhlease!

Secretary-Treasurer of the OPCYA, faithful fartcatcher to prez Kinsey “Shurely” Schurm, and president of the McMaster Tiny Tories, Mikey made a hip millennial pitch for President Steve in university rag The Silhouette last fall:

“You may hear claims that Prime Minister Harper doesn’t care about the youth, but this couldn’t be further from the truth. Multiple initiatives taken on by our Prime Minister will directly impact our generation. On the horizon we can expect to benefit from increased contribution limits to TFSAs, an increased first-time RRSP withdrawal, and a sounder Old Age Security and Guaranteed Income Supplement that will be there when our time to exit the workforce comes.”

Alas, Mikey the K’s stirring retirement planning oratory somehow failed to move his contemporaries and Liberal Filomena Tassi took the university’s Hamilton West-Ancaster Douglas riding with 45 per cent of the vote.

But he soldiers on with a fun summer job interning in Lisa Raitt‘s constituency office, even as persons unknown circulate, in a transparent attempt to discredit the young Leader of Tomorrow™, certain of his social media utterances. For instance, this jocular exchange from last Christmas, shared with fellow Little Schits™ Nona Lee Tiangson and Jack Greenberg: “btw Definition of choking on cock wishing a muslim who you dislike merry christmas”

Mikey K

As invariably happens with such partisan mischief, Mikey’s holiday greeting has been removed from its original context, in which it was almost assuredly hilarious.

Jack MacLaren is 76.

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8 comments on “Shurely Schurm Mishtake?!
  1. Patrick60 says:

    Well, he got the “directly impact” part right at least.

  2. John MacLachlan Gray says:

    There’s something creepy about Conservative Yout’. I hope I’m wrong, but
    it seems as though inside they lean toward militant conformists, repressed
    homosexuals and wattled young-old men possessed by Diefenbaker. (James
    Moore comes to mind.)

  3. OJM says:

    “Seriously, Madison. If Klimuntowski and me were the last men left alive who would you choose to start repopulating the world with?”

  4. merklin muffley says:

    Remember when the political bent of young people was counter cultural? God was dead? What if they gave a war and nobody came? A clean car is the sign of a sick mind? Conservative Youth, besides being an oxymoron, is the Brand of the Follower, teenage plastic pocket protector people. The Wouldn’t Say Shit If They Had A Mouthful crowd. But….but….what’s the youth of Islam and ISIS all about? God. Period. A myth fed to them by tribal elders. Same thing with Conservative Youth -following all the myths, swallowing all the bullshit that’s handed to them. The religious bullshit, the economic bullshit, the equality bullshit and all the other bullshit Canadian Conservatism has to offer. Followers. Just like the caliphate cowboys who couldn’t get a date in Ottawa, Oregon or Ontario so they join up with other dateless, sexless, socially unacceptable geeks and wreak whatever havoc they’re told to wreak. Ours though is a different kind of warrior. Ours is the Michael Sona kind of Warrior/Follower. Nine months for The Party. Thrown under that particularly Canadian kind of bus. No suicide vest required. Just do as you’re told and do your time. Other than violent death and mayhem on a grand scale, there’s precious little difference between the Kinsey Schurmm warrior and the Abdul bin-Whatever kind of warrior. To paraphrase Dickens, beware them both, but of the two, beware that Schurm thing the most.

  5. Muldoon's NyQuil says:

    We have nothing to fear but fear itself fellow Frankophones! Seems yoot’ wings are très de rigueur inflagrante delicto yada yada woof woof even in Africa!

    Burundi Youth Wing Accused of Political Intimidation:
    https://youtu.be/P1xtkxkI-vI

  6. ruffneck4u says:

    Looking at Brad Trost’s engagement photos taken at the University of Saskatchewan grounds triggers a fond reminiscence of having daytime premarital sex in the bushes near the Statue Garden. Oh, the liberating joys of not being a fundy…

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