Tootoomuch for Sophie?

They call me the Hunter, that’s my name
A pretty woman like you, is my only game
I bought me a love gun, just the other day
And I aim to aim it your way
– Albert King

Cracks begin to spread in the cone of silence the Liberals lowered on l’affaire Hunter Tootoo this spring.

As reported today by Globe and Minion hacks Laura Stone and Bob Fife, the defrocked minister o’ fish remains banished from the Liberal bench and won’t respond to allegations he was caucusing with a junior female staff member.

Tootoo completed his dry-out at the GreeneStone addiction treatment facility in Muskoka last Saturday. That’s the same rehab once terrorized by the late, great Rob Ford, the one with the notorious “nature walk” where clients looking to take the edge off can meet a helpful supplier of the booze and drugs so scarce elsewhere on campus.

According to Frank sources, the PMO became alarmed last May when stories of Tootoo’s horizontal predilections leaked from the Liberal convention in Winnipeg.

As is well known, Liberal feminist-in-chief Justin Trudeau has zero tolerance for sexual misconduct. When MPs Scott Andrews and Massimo Pacetti were accused by distaff NDP colleagues of excess heterosexuality in 2014, Trudeau bounced them out of caucus.

But the Liberals’ resolute silence on Hunter, who got none of the sympathy and best wishes afforded Trudeau drinking buddy Semen O’Regus during his own detox, has only given oxygen to outlandish tales with no place in a family magazine.

To take just one shameful example, wishful thinking Tories were whispering about Parliament Hill yesterday that another unwilling object of Hunter’s moist and garrulous advances was none other than Sophie G&T, our First Lady of the United States of Canada (FLOTUSC).

Of course, nothing could be further from the truth, dear ones!

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3 comments on “Tootoomuch for Sophie?
  1. thisguy says:

    I never heard the ‘unwilling’ part of the story. Why can’t Frank list the different rumours going around? I can’t keep them straight

  2. Steve-O says:

    The Globe didn’t like it when I pointed out that they had scooped Frank Magazine on the main part of the story. They should have been happy with my comment, but they didn’t publish it.

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