Latest Drivel for Thursday, Sept. 8, 2016

Hearing this, Nate Silver slumped at his desk, then proceeded to rip up his latest predictions
For Doug Ford the 2016 race to the White House brings back memories of his brother Rob’s quest for mayor in 2010…. “My advice is for Donald to focus on his competition—that’s two people. Hillary Clinton and President Obama. Don’t don’t [sic] get sidetracked. Instead keep it on Hillary’s lies and the e-mails and stuff like that,” said Ford, who has met Trump….
—Joe Wormington, Toronto Sun, Aug. 4, 2016.

Because we all know how much gangs are slaves to public opinion
BLM run the city. They answer to nobody…. They are in charge around here. This time BLM were protesting the case of Abdirahman Abdi, who died after being arrested by Ottawa Police…. I never see this same group protesting or demanding the end to the gang shootings of people like Ariela Navarro-Fenoy, Duvel Hibbert, Shyanne Charles, Joshua Yasay, Candace Rochelle Bobb and her baby Kyrie….
—Joe Wormington, Toronto Sun, Aug. 15, 2016.

And, barring a major lottery win, a place they will never stay again
It’s a summer day of absolute fun that 80 Toronto kids will never forget. Doug Ford says he won’t either…. There he was Thursday up at his cottage near Port Sydney with busloads of kids ranging in age from ten to 20. For many of the youngsters it was their first ever time going to a summer cottage…. “It sure is special,” said the former city councillor and mayoral candidate. “A lot of these kids didn’t even know where Muskoka is.” Now it’s a place where they went to in the summer in their youth.
—Wormington, Toronto Sun, Aug. 4, 2016.

The white cottager’s burden
The day is available for kids to come of all races but Doug said he noticed most of the children were black. “Just wonderful young people,” he said. “We need to work with them and give them opportunities and encourage them.”
—Wormington, op. cit.

And now here’s Sherlock Wormington in “The Case of the Tuneful Tax Man”
Before receiving the strange call — supposedly from the “Canada Revenue Agency” — which warned he faced jail time, this 75-year-old recovering stroke victim had never heard of an iTunes card. An hour later, he owned… a stack of cards worth $2,400. Professional fraudsters were preying on him…. His neighbour, Suzanne MacNeil, who has been keeping an eye on him, caught on to the game…. Her first call was to Postmedia President and CEO Paul Godfrey, a former Blue Jays president. Upset a senior could be put in this position, Paul asked me if I could look into it and help get his money reimbursed. It was a labour of love…. The good guys came through in the end. But you bad guys who tricked an ill and elderly man—this may not be over for you…. You might have picked on the wrong senior, scumbags. And you may have been sloppy. But you will find out soon enough. I made some observations I will be sharing with Peel Police Chief Jennifer Evans. So enjoy your day. It’ll be music to a lot of people’s ears when you’re wearing handcuffs on the way to jail.
—Joe Wormington, Toronto Sun, Aug. 22, 2016.

Not much danger of that
When CTV’s “Your Morning” debuts Monday, co-host Ben Mulroney hopes it will challenge some viewers’ opinions of what is newsworthy — and of who he is. “The definition of news to me is a little broader than the way some people have seen it in the past,” says Mulroney, who also co-hosts CTV’s entertainment program “eTalk.” “And so I think we’re going to have a lot of fun playing with the notion of what is newsworthy and how can we tell those stories, and demonstrate to people that: ‘You might not think that #OscarsSoWhite was a story that mattered to you. Here’s why it matters to you, and here’s the impact of this sporting event or that fashion show.’” He also hopes the show will help Canadians see a different side of him.
—Reported by Victoria Ahearn, Canadian Press, Aug. 18, 2016.

Ah, so that’s the rationale for that wonderfully enigmatic title!
“Your Morning” replaces “Canada AM,” which was abruptly pulled off the air with one day’s notice for viewers in June after a 43-season run…. Mulroney and Anne-Marie Mediwake will host. [S]ays Mediwake… “Viewers will be able to expect and appreciate that there will be news from their parts of Canada in ‘Your Morning,’ because it’s part of your morning,” she says.
—Ahearn, op. cit.

Can’t wait for his next one, The Lion, the Bitch and Her Wardrobe
There was a little media kerfuffle last week about a fancy bar in Toronto where a lion cub was spotted on a leash, being paraded around as a pet…. The night I was at Lavelle, women outnumbered men among the clientele. And what women: each dressed for a photo shoot, in towering heels and plunging dresses and hair—oh, what hair—so long and abundant. Most were under 30. A bar such as this depends on having lots of women with long hair in it; beauty is its draw; and I don’t know how they get them there in such numbers. The men were older, of course, but elegant and tanned, in natty narrow suits and no socks…. In our race to denounce these excesses as decadent, let us not forget that decadence and sophistication lie intertwined in the same messy bed, and that the land of pet lions, crass as it can be, is at least a lot more varied than its United Church forebears. It is certainly a boon to novelists. We may still admire Robertson Davies, but we have read perhaps enough of him now.
Russell Smith, Globe and Mail, Aug. 10, 2016.

Bedtime for bronzer
Men make me sad. They don’t listen to my brisk but heartfelt advice, which is “Don’t be like women….” Don’t start wearing makeup…. Once they start, they’ll be as unable to stop as a habitual user of opioids, oh devastated Rust Belt painted lads…. Women’s lives are an ant farm of judged wrongness. We like you. We don’t want that for you.
—Heather Mallick, Toronto Star, Aug. 15, 2016.

LEAD-LINED HEADLINES

Worthwhile bronze medal initiative
Canadian racewalk co-leader Evan Dunfee encourages French race walker to carry on
—cbc.ca, Aug. 19, 2016.

Let’s sure hope so
Do self-driving cars raise risk of kidnapping?
—Ottawa Citizen, Aug. 12, 2016.

This better be good…
Why Pokemon in the workplace has to go
—Globe Careers’ Leadership Lab series, Globe and Mail, Aug. 12, 2016.

Share on FacebookTweet about this on TwitterShare on StumbleUponEmail this to someone
5 comments on “Latest Drivel for Thursday, Sept. 8, 2016
  1. OJM says:

    Do we know if Joe Wormington actually exists? What if he’s the Sun’s version of Dick Little? You know, an implausibly dim-witted oaf invented by some clever writer to express outrageous inanities for comic effect.

  2. daveS says:

    Wormington exits?
    “In his 20th year at the Toronto Sun where Joe has been an award-winning reporter and a columnist focusing on day to day news with a focus on people and the streets of Toronto. He has also travelled extensively for the paper to cover such stories as 9/11 in New York, Hurricane Katrina in Louisiana, the Neo-Nazi uprising in Germany to the Branch Davidian disaster in Waco, Texas.”

    That’s a long time to sustain a myth.

    But see Torontoist, June 9, 2016, TorontoLife August 11, 2014 Q&A, and numerous mentions.

    And the authoritative mentions in Frank in the Search box above.

  3. Trippetta says:

    Since when does Heather Malice like men?

  4. Papadoc says:

    …”let us not forget that decadence and sophistication lie intertwined in the same messy bed”, shame on them Russell. A week at Doug Ford’s patronizing camp would straighten them out.

Leave a Reply