Latest Drivel for Friday, May 5, 2017

Tonight on Dexter

The Mantovani of Mar-a-Lago, the Barry White of bullshit…
Conrad Black, urbane business baron and one-time U.S. prison inmate, says the billionaire in the White House is not a “monster,” and that his recent blustering on trade with Canada might be nothing more than “atmospherics” to set the stage for upcoming negotiations…. “My impression of him is he doesn’t change his views as much as one thinks, but he does alter the mood and the level of ambiance,” Black said….
—Reported by Alex Ballingall, Toronto Star, May 4, 2017.

Turn up the AC, Babs, you know how sweaty I get setting those science charlatans straight
[T]he president has achieved a lot…. He has dismantled the eco-hysteria apparatus that responded to unproved climate alarmism….
—Conrad Black, National Review, May 2, 2017.

That’s the thing about those quietly miliary types—you never know what volume to expect
Quietly miliary [sic] types are whispering, or screaming on social media, that he should be held to the same standard they would be and that quitting is the honourable thing to do.
—Joe Wormington, Toronto Sun, Apr. 30, 2017.

Pressed for time during his Ottawa visit, Bill was forced to dip deep into his laundry bag
While Bill Blair was rattling his hairshirt before the Senate caucus about the tragic impact of drug-related imprisonment on minority communities, white men—including his former deputy chief turned weed baron Kim Derry—have been striking it rich.
—Andray Domise, Torontoist, April 20, 2017.

Er, now that you mention it…
Are you feeling unwell? I am.
—Heather Mallick, Toronto Star, Apr. 28, 2017.

Editor? There’s an editor involved in this?
My annual column on the sunlit side of taxes usually lists services that slide beneath people’s radar, like traffic lights, nail salon inspection, harbour police, newborn registration, farm product marketing, fire safety, the Death Investigation Oversight Council, drug evaluation, the Moose-Bear Allocation Advisory Committee and so on. One day the investigation into your death will be conducted shoddily, or you will be allocated a bear and not the moose you yearned for. I’m assuming you wanted the moose as a pet? My editor is shaking his head. So no, then.
—Heather Mallick, Toronto Star, May 1, 2017.

R.I.P. Charles Bukowski
[A]n increasing number of bars and restaurants are looking to swap out clam juice, cream and egg whites for ingredients that are friendlier for celiacs, vegetarians and people just looking to change things up…. The trend is so popular, it even warranted an entire seminar devoted to the use of aquafaba—the water in which beans are cooked—in cocktails last month at the Drake Hotel….
—Christine Sismondo, Globe and Mail, Apr. 25, 2017.

Black Cow Pure Milk Vodka is…made without potatoes, grain or even water, just the sweet whey from grass-grazed cattle in bucolic West Dorset…. Now it’s available in Ontario…. “There’s only five parts per million of lactose in it by the time we’ve finished, so although it’s entirely made from milk and all the alcohol comes from the lactose, it’s totally suitable for people who are lactose-intolerant,” Archard said.
—Beppi Creosote, Globe and Mail, May 4, 2017.

And all that for only a million and a half a year
The hitter turned designated sitter, Chris Neil is trying to find a new way to help the team…. “If we’re on the road, I watch (the game) in the suite,” the 37-year-old winger said Thursday morning. “If we’re at home, I usually do a workout, a ride (on the stationary bike) and watch it down here for the first couple of periods. If the guys are winning, I stay in the same spot. If not, I’ll switch it up and hopefully try to get a couple of goals for us out of it.”
—Don Brennan, Ottawa Sun, Apr. 27, 2017.

TWIDIOCY

But with balls the size of grapes
Craig King (@craigedwardking) 2017-05-04
@ConradMBlack Reading you is always like jumping into a cold, turbulent ocean, then getting out feeling exhilarated and clear headed again.

Pantsuit Killer strikes again
Ray Heard @RayHeard Apr 25
Yet another Clinton associate suddenly dies! I smell rats! @HillaryClinton‘s assistant J. W. McGill is found dead

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4 comments on “Latest Drivel for Friday, May 5, 2017
  1. OJM says:

    “Rattling his hairshirt”? “Donning the bling of Caucasian concern”, shurely.

  2. gormab says:

    Not to be a pedant, but isn’t milk vodka the same thing as koomis?

  3. John MacLachlan Gray says:

    The National Review’s wiki profile lists David Frum as a “notable contributor,” but not Lord Black. It must drive m’lord round the twist.

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