Poppycock: Last call at the Legion

Desperate times at the Royal Canadian Legion, where evaporating membership and tanking revenue (Franks passim) necessitate Bold and Innovative Thinking™.

Fortunately, the crack marketing team (budget: $455,000, not counting the separate $771,000 membership and marketing piggybank) of the moribund vets’ club is on the case.

Marketing manager Dion Edmonds, ex of the NAC, and Leah O’Neill, their ‘online engagement’ wheeze kid, with no small help from hired weasels at Banfield and Strategycorp, have spared no effort to rebrand the musty Legion as more than beer and bingo.

The latest brainwave? Er, craft beer! In keeping with their relentless hawking of poppy-related merchandise, Ontario branches this month began slinging Legion Lager, a licensed bespoke brewski from Whitewater Brewery Co.

“We’re thrilled that Whitewater has partnered with the Legion to support Canada’s Veterans by donating five percent of the brand’s sales to Legion programs.” burbled Dominion President Dave Flannigan in a much-unread press release. “Those funds will help support programs to improve the lives of Veterans and their families.”

Finally, a lifeline for stuggling Legion branches, who have been sucking wind under the top-heavy leadership of Dominion Command!

To a point, anyway. While it’s true that Legion branches will keep a nickel on every buck’s worth of Legion Lager they sell on-site, any proceeds from LCBO and Beer Store sales will instead slosh into Dominion Command, to backstop those six-figure salaries (how many, how much and to whom deemed too sensitive to disclose to the members who pay them), and trips to sunny climes, where President Dave, Dominion Secretary Brad “El Blanco” White and the wives always seem to find urgent Legion business in the winter months.

Still, kudos to Dion and company for possibly the most cutting-edge branding campaign for the Legion since, er, 1957, when they hit on the idea of hawking their own brand of cancer sticks to their members, the ongoing die-off of whom remains a complete mystery. Smoke ’em if ya got ’em!

Share on FacebookTweet about this on TwitterShare on StumbleUponEmail this to someone
6 comments on “Poppycock: Last call at the Legion
  1. Mikeonthebike says:

    A starnge organization. A number of years ago I campaigned to have Sentries placed at the Tomb of the unknown Soldier as it was being desecrated. I was never asked to join the Legion, thanked nor invited to a supper. In fact the only comment was a negative comment on my request to have a small cordon placed near the Tomb to demarcate it. A Legion spokesman got on TV and blathered on about “Some people want to place barriers to keep people away. Keeping people away seems to be a Legion pastime

  2. OJM says:

    “A Little Dick in Every Can”? Er, maybe not…

  3. Mikeonthebike says:

    Why was my comment about the lack of support over the WAr memorial pissoir deleted ???

  4. Patrick60 says:

    At a Toronto LCBO today, I noticed a “Wounded Warriors” can at the cash register. In case I’d missed it,
    the clerk asked if I’d like to make a donation. Not without more info on the group. They might be as bad as
    “El Blanco”. Sad that no branch of government sees fit to intervene in this sordid affair.

Leave a Reply