Latest Drivel for Friday, June 30, 2017

Hey, you think it’s easy making the rent on a freelance writer’s income?
Residents and out of towners came out to see the annual Conrad Black Dirt Days parade on Saturday. This year’s theme was “Destination Conrad.” The parade consisted of floats, tractors, emergency service vehicles, kids and lots of candy.
—Marshalltown (Iowa) Times-Republican, June 11, 2017.

Fat lives matter
The lawyer who bested the combined might of the Ontario AG’s office and the RCMP in the criminal trial of Senator Mike Duffy says he was shocked by the uniformed [sic] media “maelstrom” that formed against his client—a bias which he says continues to this day. Donald Bayne says that the entire experience has convinced him that something has to be done about elevating news coverage of the courts from vaudevillian info-tainment to accurate reporting…. Was the press sucking up to the PMO, egregiously and without facts — making a scapegoat of Duffy? “That’s the way I see it,” Bayne said…. Those who write the first rough draft of history ought to be offering something better than a dive into the sewer.
—Michael Harris, iPolitics. June 1st, 2017.

Ah, let’s just name him Joey, after the alleged journalist
Of course when we talk about 2189, we are talking about the baby raccoon that was rescued from a watery grave near Dufferin St. and Eglinton Ave. W. [T]he tiny raccoon was placed in a metal garbage can submerged in water with rocks on top and left for dead. But this tiny critter’s will to survive was strong…. I am thinking since 2189’s will to live is so strong, we have got to give him a name…. If you have a good one, please feel free to email me and I will choose the one that has the most votes. I will start with the first suggestion: Houdini. I figure any creature that can survive being locked in a contraption filled with water is a magician…. As its alleged killer found out, 2189 is hard to kill.
—Joe Wormington, Toronto Sun, June 13, 2017.

But just you wait till Monday…
To the University of Guelph this week, where just in time for Father’s Day researchers have found that fathers are significantly more influential than mothers when it comes to determining the long-term eating habits of children…. For many dads, who are in the grand scheme of things, still relatively new to this whole “hands-on-parenting” business, spending time with kids can seem like an excuse to indulge…. Now, obviously there’s nothing wrong with Daddy Fun Time. Just like there’s nothing wrong with the occasional greasy burger…. So hey hands-on dad, we love you but …fun time all the time is bad for your health. This weekend, however, we’ll make an exception because it’s Father’s Day. Take the kids out and eat all the greasy burgers you want. Gorge yourself silly and pass out on the sofa like Homer Simpson in a sugar-fat-beer coma. You’re not perfect and just for today we won’t blame you for it.
—Leah McLaren, Globe and Mail, June 14, 2017.

Here’s an idea: Staff Third-World shoe factories with wealthy volunteers, and everybody goes home feeling good about themselves
Even those who try to be charitable on their adventures — deciding to commit themselves to volunteer work in poor countries instead of relaxing on a beach—aren’t necessarily more enlightened than the materialists back home. “Voluntourism,” a process where mostly white, wealthy volunteers spend their vacations building houses and providing aid in developing nations, is well-meaning in principle, but it’s also often ineffective and even harmful, as many of the North American do-gooders involved don’t have the technical skills required to fulfil the tasks they’ve signed up for, many of which involve manual labour. All this is to say: experience is great, but it’s not inherently more virtuous than a trip to the shoe store.
—Emma Teitel, Toronto Star, June 8, 2017.

Er, and how about them Leafs?
Crosby’s Stakhanovite approach to professional sport has never been more on display than it was during this year’s run…. He’s the stealth bomber of superstars. [His] personality is so gnomic that…
—Cathal Kelly, Globe and Mail, June 14, 2017.

Share on FacebookTweet about this on TwitterShare on StumbleUponEmail this to someone
4 comments on “Latest Drivel for Friday, June 30, 2017
  1. OJM says:

    Seems Emma Teitel is angling for Margaret Wente’s gig as the nation’s leading voice against kindness and compassion.

  2. John MacLachlan Gray says:

    Only by diving into the sewer can a writer uncover the ruffage of history.

  3. Trippetta says:

    One feels for Leah’s husband. Someone should start a GoFundMe page to pay for a Leah-free Las Vegas weekend for the poor sod.

  4. OJM says:

    Joe Wormington, raccoonteur. (Oh, come on…somebody had to say it.)

Leave a Reply