Joe Wormington’s Secrets of Award-Winning Investigative Journalism

Emergency responders arrived at the scene to find the woman’s lifeless body “pinned beneath” the streetcar, Const. David Hopkinson said Tuesday. “The victim was vital signs absent when paramedics arrived,” he said, adding the woman was pronounced dead soon after. Her injuries were “quite bad,” Hopkinson said.
—Joe Wormington, Toronto Sun, Sept. 30, 2014.

It’s difficult to respond to perception, hearsay or hypotheticals even if they make your blood boil and skin crawl…. But waiting for a public beheading to happen on our soil certainly is new and terrifying. I put a call into Toronto Police to find out what they think is the best course of action to deal with this threat? [sic] “We currently have no comment…,” said Const. David Hopkinson.
—Joe Wormington, Toronto Sun, Oct. 9, 2014.

It seems when it comes to this Maple Leafs season, a lot of fans have thrown in the sweater. The problem is, whenever some fans do one of these high profile sweater tosses, they not only face bans from the Air Canada Centre but also a potential charge…. Const. David Hopkinson said three “engage in prohibited activity, Provincial Offences Act” citations were written and all three men will be banned for a year….
—Joe Wormington, Toronto Sun, Jan. 20, 2015.

Toronto Police rushed to Yonge and Dundas Sts. where a man believed in his 20s was attacked around 7:30 p.m.. “The victim was stabbed (on the street) and stumbled into a restaurant bleeding profusely from the leg,” Const. David Hopkinson said. “…He should be OK.”
—Joe Wormington, Toronto Sun, Jan 5, 2016.

[T]here was a incident between two drivers on the road that ended up getting rather heated. “The caller to police said the driver got out and brandished a hand gun and the passenger got out the [sic] car wielding a knife,” said Toronto Police Const. David Hopkinson. Frightening not just for police, but for people nearby who may or may not even be aware of the incident.
—Joe Wormington, Toronto Sun, May 9, 2017.

Scarborough’s Ron Watson Park has been closed down Wednesday morning after a man’s body was found. “He was found vital signs absent,” Const. David Hopkinson said….
—Joe Wormington, Toronto Sun, May 10, 2017.

What do you do when you see a fellow, helpless citizen being stabbed feverishly…? When you’re not there, it’s easy to say it might be better to get a big stick or a chair or something and try to stop it. But Const. David Hopkinson said in such a situation, police tell people to not become a victims themselves.
—Joe Wormington, Toronto Sun, Sept. 22, 2017.

It’s no easy task to concealing [sic] the heist of a 37-foot luxury yacht, but somehow, these boat thief [sic] or thieves just may have done it. “It’s a real mystery,” said Const. David Hopkinson of Toronto Police…. Missing…is a 37-foot, Four Winns power boat. It vanished into thin air. “We believe it was stolen,” said Hopkinson.
—Joe Wormington, Toronto Sun, Oct. 21, 2017.

In just eight days in the northwest part of Toronto four people have been violently mugged for cash. “It’s very concerning,” said Toronto Police Const. David Hopkinson. “It’s a trend that has been noticed….”
—Joe Wormington, Toronto Sun, Oct. 21, 2017.

[S]omewhere out there is a man who stabbed a woman in the head with such ferocity she may need surgery to deal with her massive wounds…. “It was a very violent, random attack,” Toronto Police Const. David Hopkinson said….. “She was sliced up very badly. It’s upsetting.”
—Joe Wormington, Toronto Sun, Oct. 23, 2017.

[P]lease help Toronto Police find the guy who violently slashed a 19-year-old women in Lawrence Park last Saturday in a robbery attempt. Const. David Hopkinson, who put out a composite sketch, tells me this guy is dangerous and most [sic] be caught.
—Joe Wormington, Toronto Sun, Oct. 27, 2017.


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6 comments on “Joe Wormington’s Secrets of Award-Winning Investigative Journalism
  1. mmedesevigne says:

    Three points:

    Is David Hopkinson the only cop Wormtongue knows?
    Franksters, you missed more than a few [sic]s.
    In other news, Const. David Hopkinson advised that Worm’s brain is missing, believed absent.

    • OJM says:

      I’m thinking “Constable Hopkinson” may be Joe’s Harvey-style imaginary friend…didn’t he once write of the constable “wiggling his cute bunny tail” while describing a raid on a crack-house.

  2. John MacLachlan Gray says:

    As the “police spokesperson,” Hopkinson would have made these riveting
    comments at a press conference, except nobody else gave a shit. I suppose
    a reporter can be seen as a sort of dumpster-diver; it casts a new light
    on what constitutes a “Scoop”.

  3. wolfkir says:

    Ah yes, the psychic gift of being frightened unawares. Wait! That explains all! We’re all frightened of things we don’t know are happening! Paranoia rampant and endemic! What a comnbination!

  4. OJM says:

    “Vital signs absent”, rough translation:

    “Call it in, dude’s fucked. Hey, partner, my cop-sense is telling me we should put that Timmies under close surveillance for the next twenty minutes.”

  5. Forbes Kennedy says:

    The Worm should stick to collecting Ford farts and leave the Police Beat to Jocko Thomas’ ghost.

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