Son of SteveTM cries out for wedgie

This week’s Selfie Award goes to Zach Paikin, asshat son of TVOSteve.

The 22-year-old wannabe statesman, who recently declared himself a candidate for the Liberal nomination in Hamilton West-Ancaster-Dundas—a no-hope publicity stunt–is one of those precocious wankers whose grasp exceeds his reach. 551359_10151567193390049_642156111_n

Two years ago, the post of Liberal national policy chair was the prize with Zachy boldly unpacking his vision for national unity, “evidence-based policy” and, er…

The party of Laurier inexplicably passed and Zippy went back to Toastmasters to work on his handshake.480918_10151247057280049_1980133120_n

The boy needs an editor. Instead, he’s got Daddy Dearest, living his own political fantasies through Junior.

What he should have done was lock Zach in a soundproof room and give him time to teethe in private. Instead, the kid’s hanging it all out, making an utter twat of himself, and begging for a wedgie every time he opens his sanctimonious gob.189815_10151322651540049_2118802205_n

Who can forget Zach’s column in iPolitics a couple of years ago in which he called for the early parole of Paikin family friend Garth Drabinsky. Zach’s argument? The fraudster’s production of Ragtime once brought lil’ Zach to tears. “I was literally balling my eyes out,” (shurely shome mishtake!?–ed.)

But Zach’s most narcissistic moments are saved for tweeted photos that begin with “Happy to catch up with…” then inserts pic of prominent Canadian (John Turner, Justin Trudeau, Byron Muldoon…).556697_10151322657390049_2082709617_n

Often, the shots are taken by Steve, like the one of Zach “mourning” in the vicinity of Lincoln “Towncar” Alexander’s casket in October 2012.

Zach tweeted: Paying my respects at the casket of former Ontario Lieutenant-Governor Lincoln Alexander. Linc, you were a true Canadian pioneer and hero. Thank you for helping us obtain a more diverse and tolerant Canada. May peace be upon you. — with Zach Paikin at Queen’s Park.zachcasket

When someone suggested to Steve that he “didn’t need to be his son’s press agent,” Paikin the Elder told him to piss off.

For the Paikins, nothing is sacred, everything is promotional—and must be used to score political points. In a classic, too-much-information-moment, Zach came out on Facebook with the announcement that he wasn’t eligible to give blood in Canada because “I am a man who has engaged in sexual activity with other men.”542523_10151419490220049_494295865_n

He was soon backtracking, noting in a later comment that he “wasn’t coming out. I’m heterosexual. I’ve just engaged in MSM activity over the past five years. I felt compelled to reveal this information to provide as much support for my friends in the LGBTQ community as I can.”

It was unknown at press time just who made the supreme sacrifice for Zippy’s rainbow connection.45035f59036b18d5e5284d16dd16ae7f

The LGBTQ community is of course speechless with gratitude.

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4 comments on “Son of SteveTM cries out for wedgie
  1. OJM says:

    A very promising start, young fella. Kid looks to be a treasure trove of primo Frank material for many years to come. Nice to see the Gen Text cohort stepping up to help sustain Canada’s satirical press.

  2. orphancarguy says:

    Even mighty oaks drop lots of wizen little acorns. Thank you for bringing the pretentious tiny scion to my attention as it made my frigging day.

  3. mikesloan says:

    Remember that time Zach got into a pillow fight with Max Naylor, and Zach’s mom (allegedly,) came to her first born’s defence.

  4. Patrick60 says:

    Won’t be the first mutual wanker to go into politics.

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