Moral Panic Week at the University of Ottawa, as communications hacks batten down the hatches against twin shitstorms caused by high-spirited sexual escapades at the esteemed institute of lower learning.
First over the gunwales, the leaked transcript of a Facebook circle-jerk over Student Federation President Anne-Marie Roy, between student politicos Bart Tremblay, Alexandre Giroux, Alex Larochelle, Pat Marquis and Michel Fournier-Simard.
Tremblay: Let me tell you something right now: [Anne-Marie] will suck me off in her office chair and after I will fuck her in the ass on Pat [Marquis]‘s desk;
Larochelle: Someone punish her with their shaft;
Giroux: Well Christ, if you fuck Anne Marie I will definitely buy you a beer;
Marquis: I’ll get a 24 for Bart if he does it;
Fournier-Simard: Dude she has chlamydia…;
Larochelle: Hahaha I heard she has syphilis;
Larochelle: But those get treated bro lol.
The four who held elected positions threatened Roy with legal action for publicizing their private sexy-talk. Then they resigned–but the bro-stench lingers.
On Tuesday, the university suspended its varsity men’s hockey team after allegations that several of its players poke-checked a young woman in Thunder Bay last month. Sexual assault charges are expected.
What a shame that in its hour of need, Ottawa U. can no longer rely on the sensitivity and expertise of Drew “Ew” Anderson, their erstwhile executive director of communications.
Alas, I am told by the university’s external affairs office that Drew left his post a few weeks ago, coincidentally, about the time the shit began its trajectory towards the fan in both incidents.
Drew joined the university in June 2012, fresh from his resignation as NDP director of communications. With the Dippers, he was known as an avid oenophile, with a penchant for hiring young, pulchritudinous staff — not that there’s anything wrong with that!
He secured the dir. com. gig the old-fashioned way, arse creeping Jack Layton’s principal secretary, Brad Lavigne, on the daily bus ride in from the NDP ghetto in Hintonburg.
When he signed on with Ottawa U., the press release rapturized, “In the role of Executive Director of the Communications Directorate, Drew Anderson will support the University of Ottawa’s strategic vision and increase efforts to enhance the University’s reputation by developing and reinforcing the positive image of the University and its values, image and brand.”
All that hit a bit of a snag last spring at the NDP convention in Montreal, when a young female staffer tending bar at a party piss-up complained of first having to peel an over-refreshed Anderson off a woman at closing time, and then fend off his lecherous attentions herself: “Drew then started hitting on me,” she said in her complaint. “He dropped my phone, etc. (A friend) extracted me, and we left to get away from Drew.”
Though the first instinct of party poobahs was to chastise the woman for telling tales out of school, she eventually got a letter of apology and an assurance that NDP cocktail policies would get an overhaul. It was deemed unnecessary to send Drew a letter of reprimand; he’d suffered enough.
The university could not provide Frank with forwarding coordinates for Drew, who these days kills time sitting on the board of Mountain Equipment Co-Op and, Frank hears, sniffing diligently for another gig with the Dippers, in time for the 2015 election.