Black Monday at the OSC

If, as Shakespeare had it, “All the world’s a stage, and all the men and women merely players. They have their exits and their entrances, and one man in his time plays many parts,” then Tubby Black must just now be on the phone to his agent, threatening to carve the poor sap a new asshole.

From main stage in Chicago, with Patrick Fitzgerald, slayer of Scooter Libby and Rod Blagojevich, playing his nemesis and press hacks hanging on his every utterance, “Lordy,” as he was known by fellow inmates at Coleman FCI, has been reduced to squaring off with a couple of nebbish staff lawyers at the Ontario Securities Commission (OSC), whose mandate is to keep him off the boards of, or officiating over a public company in Ontario (gasp!) forever.

Or whatever.

Yesterday, at the opening day of hearings into “the matter,” a relatively snappy four hours of eye-glazing back and sideways, Lord Tubby’s legalist, Stikeman Elliott’s Peter Howard, sought to reintroduce and denounce much of the American evidence that sent the old pirate to the Big House.

This the OSC calls an effort at a “do over,” as staffer Jed Friedmann put it, with all the ersatz indignation of a moot court shyster on his way to first year pre-law from Richview Collegiate.

Black himself remained inscrutable, coming fully to himself just once when he leaned over and asked Howard for “forest product” upon which to write his pensée du moment.

The most reporters could weasel out of Lord Tubby was his speculation as to where Paul Godfrey would get the money to pay for the newspapers he claims to have bought off Byron Muldoon and Quebecor.

It made one long for the days when wife Babs (not in attendance), screamed at the gathered jackals in Chicago that they were all a bunch of Nazi thugs.

Finally, everybody went home at three for a long snooze and the next day off before the hearing aids are plugged back in on Wednesday.

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