Latest Drivel & Lead-Lined Headlines

Update: All his teeth have fallen out, but he can now play five notes of Hot Cross Buns
My mother never took us to piano lessons because she couldn’t be bothered to nag us to practise. Now that I’m a mother, the body of scientific evidence supporting the benefits of nagging your kids to practise is so vast, it’s overwhelming. Study after study by respected international neuroscientists show that small children who creak away on their mini-violins daily reap astonishing benefits…. Becoming that nagging mother can be difficult. I’ve tried everything, including cajoling, pretending it’s a game, bribing him with Jelly Bellies, but James’s resistance to the ritual of daily practice seems to be almost innate. “Piano is bum bum!” he declared the other day as I tried to persuade him to sit still and play the first three notes of Hot Cross Buns…. Stick with it, however, and your child’s brain will have the supple tone of Gwyneth Paltrow’s fortysomething butt…. At his lesson last week…he played the first three notes of Hot Cross Buns unprompted. We praised his efforts as if he’d just surprised us with a Chopin nocturne. Brimming with maternal pride, I thought of his improved neuroplasticity and magnificently developing cortex. “Are you proud of yourself, my darling?” I asked. He asked for a jellybean, which I produced from my pocket. “Bum bum,” he said and popped it in his mouth.
—Leah McLaren, Globe and Mail, Jan. 28, 2016.

No banana for you
I suggest that the name of the chimpanzee, Odo, is from an old Germanic word meaning possessor of wealth, and Martel says that wasn’t his motivation. “You’re the first journalist to ask me this so I will tell you. Odo is the middle letters of Godot.” As in Beckett’s Waiting for Godot. “I thought at one point of calling the chimpanzee Godot but I thought it was too bloody obvious.”
—Peter Simpson, Ottawa Citizen, Jan. 30, 2016.

LEAD-LINED HEADLINES

When the sword is mightier than the pen
Tories’ refugee end-run: Circumvented UN rules to hone in on ‘religious minorities’
—Ottawa Sun, Jan. 28, 2016.

And most Post columnists aren’t bigots, of course
Barbara Kay: Most Muslims aren’t jihadists, of course. But some of them are
—National Post, Jan. 27, 2016.

Unless, of course, a lot of balaclavas are missing
Burka doesn’t equal shoplifter
—Ottawa Sun, Feb. 2, 2016.

Back arched, tail up…mrrrrow!
Senior a star in jail for cat stance
—Ottawa Citizen, Jan. 30, 2016.

Stop the presses
‘Amazing’ plan: Big Rig: Phillips salutes Sens’ LeBreton proposal
— Ottawa Sun, Jan. 28, 2016.

With all his heart
If LeBreton plan fails, Melnyk committed to Kanata
—Ottawa Sun, Jan. 28, 2016.

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2 comments on “Latest Drivel & Lead-Lined Headlines
  1. Papadoc says:

    Well Leah, at least you didn’t fail as a nagging columnist.

  2. tyrone says:

    Hey, did you hear the one about the Leah McLaren column that was all about herself?

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