All Thumbs Parvenu: Jessica Mulroney

“Mrs. Sophie Trudeau was clear that on this very important day she wanted to wear Canadian designers. In my capacity as her friend and stylist, as well as someone with deep roots in the Canadian fashion industry, it was my privilege to help her achieve that goal.”
– Jessica Mulroney, Huffington Post, Nov. 6, 2015.

Q. There are rumblings of another project you’re involved in – advising Sophie Grégoire-Trudeau on what to wear. Are you acting as a stylist for her?”
A. “I haven’t talked about it much. People have assumed a lot of things, but I’m not really her stylist.
– Mulroney Globe and Mail, Mar. 1, 2016.

Pity the PMO’s crack coattail detail, charged with insulating Justin and Sophie from the tireless public proclamations of their self-promoting friends and family.

Barely had they wrung this volte face from Jessica Muldoon, wife of Ben and self-styled stylist to Sophie, when First Brother Alexandre Trudeau starts popping off about Mohamedd Harkat, demanding Public Safety Minister Ralph Goodale kibosh the impugned Algerian’s deportation.

The Globe and Mail, smelling blood, or something, is already sniffing around some of Bro Trudeau’s other political enthusiasms. Those would include his leather-lunged criticism of Israel, a wedge issue the Liberals are keen to stop landing arse-first upon.

Sacha pitched in on Justin’s leadership campaign, but ultimately found the image-crafting ventriloquism of Gerry Butts and company too creepy for comfort and, until this latest outburst, he’d left Justin to the weasels.

Jessica proved an early embarrassment by popping off about her “styling” of Sophie for the PM’s swearing in (courtesy her clients at HBC) and shaking down Birks for that $7K brooch Sophie wore to Buckingham Palace to such boffo promotional effect.

Now she’s been told–bluntly–to shut it. These product placements were getting, it was felt, a soupçon too transactional.

Add to these the loose cannonades of Queen Mum Maggie, who, readers may recall, pre-emptively announced her boy would not be taking up residence at 24 Sussex.

Justin’s handlers must pine for the quiet dignity of Billy Carter or Roger Clinton.

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11 comments on “All Thumbs Parvenu: Jessica Mulroney
  1. Steve-O says:

    Message to Sophie Grégoire-Trudeau: I hope you’ll cut Jessica Mulroney loose for good. You can do far better than that.

  2. daveS says:

    Jessica Mulroney was known for gig as TV spokesperson for Pampers. (Chatelaine, 2014-02-14).
    And you haven’t gone through a line-by-line descripton the Ben Mulroney, Jessica Brownstein wedding in Montreal October 29, 2008 at St. Patrick’s Basilica and compared it to Sophie Gregoire and a non-politician, a Justin Trudeau somebody on May 28, 2005 in a Catholic ceremony at Montreal’s Sainte-Madeleine d’Outremont Church.

  3. Muldoon's NyQuil says:

    Jessica Mulroney needs a sandwich.

  4. daveS says:

    All the right people get Frank, so former Toronto resident, one Meghan Markle, must have read these excerpts, and for fashion advice cut her loose.

    Meanwhile the only Canadian “participants” in the Markle wedding to one Henry Winkler Windsor were her Tom and Jerry gap-toothed Mulroney twins, along with George and Jasper Dyer. The former two who played it up a bit too much, as Julie Miller wrote in Vanity Fair “Royal Wedding: Meet the Kids Who Carried Meghan Markle’s Veil” (except it wasn’t a veil but a CN Train).

    Thankfully there is a wide ocean between Rosedale and the W8 London district.

  5. daveS says:

    So Hello (Canada) writer (Another) Meaghan Wray writes: “Royal Wedding 2018: Jessica Mulroney teased her gold Naeem Khan reception gown months ago.” … from a dressing room at The Room at Hudson’s Bay in Toronto, noting that Jessica had posted this in April showing her ample backside on Instagram.

    So the Bay (or rather the New York branch of the Bay-owned Saks Fifth Avenue) gives a free (or discounted) $10,000 dress to Jessica in return for ‘royal’ publicity? Unlikely as both she and Ben are millionaires and always pay full price.

  6. daveS says:

    Aha! The NatPost’s gossip columnist Graeme Hamilton, says that the mendicant Mrs. Brownstein Mulroney glanced over her shoulder to pose for a photo by her stylist, ensuring that the image of her in her gold dress and elaborate makeup would soon make it onto Instagram. And that Jessica has signed a deal with Hudson’s Bay Co. who called Mulroney “the lifestyle expert to watch” as it announced an expanded partnership with her on May 10 this year.

    And the branding of her cult children is next?

    • Alan Smithee says:

      She’s way ahead of you, Dave. Jessica was an early adopter of the Instagram “social media influencer” trend, aka, the corporate shill.

      I often wonder why these already-rich folks don’t see the whoring as er.. whoring. But who am I to judge? I would do and say just about anything for shawarma from Chelsea Shawarma in QC. (They even deliver to the Tigre Géant parking lot in Wakefield. Marketing. You’re doing it right. Just don’t tell the tech department!) A vertically, spit-roasted Levantine (no relation), meat and veg cornucopia wrapped snugly in its own little pita-burka. Delicious and inclusive!

      FRANK was way ahead of the curve calling out the Muldoon’s NyQuil progeny-knobs and their long list of corporate buggery. Benny and Jess were Frank Wankers #1 and #2 in 2016. In the words of the great Ervin Drake: ‘It Was a Very Good Year’

  7. daveS says:

    And I see that is giving us Maxim (the men’s) magazine “Meghan Markle’s Best Friend Showed Off Her Butt at the Royal Wedding on Purpose. “I’m going to give you some Pippa.”” by Maxim Staff 8 hours ago

    …Now, it appears Jessica may have intentionally
    flaunted her butt for the press. A friend of Jessica
    told the New York Post that just last month,
    Mulroney was practicing her Pippa-inspired move on a red carpet.
    “At a Toronto gala, a prominent photographer
    asked Mulroney to pose. She said archly, ‘I’m going
    to give you some Pippa,’ and turned her back to offer a
    rear shot,” the unnamed source said.

    …Jessica Mulroney, a “lifestyle expert,” is potentially
    leveraging her close friendship with the Duchess of Sussex
    for exposure. She reportedly had a hand in planning the
    Royal Wedding, and her Instagram following has jumped
    from 127,000 to over 200,000 since last Thursday.

    And is Jessica enhancing her Levantine complexion
    with dusky makeup (balancing with Princess Meghan’s
    skin-tone!!?) with either a over dose tan or burnt
    umber paint?

    Almost as dark as the perma-tan Ben, (until the
    skin cancers peel off…..)

    • Alan Smithee says:

      I heard they used leftover rhinoplasty scraps (whaddat? –ed.) for butt implants. But don’t quote me on that; this is a family magazine!

  8. daveS says:

    More about Jessica’s very thin gluteus maximus in Frank: See “Jessica Muldoon butts in” of 25 May 2018

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