Usually election nights are like Christmas Eve, with a steamin’ pile of shit under the tree done up with a ribbon and bow. “Oooh! I wonder who this is from?”
Except not this year, brother. Santa came early – and came hard!
Donny Trump proved ’em all wrong. Maybe himself, too. To be honest I’m not sure he counted on winnin’ this thing. But. I’m sure everything’ll be fine.
I can’t believe I lived to see the day, since I was up all night with a bottle of Wild Turkey listenin’ to the Andrews Sisters. Not since the ’67 Leafs has Beer Barrel Polka meant so much to me.
The only drawback I see are all them Snoop Doggs and Streisands movin’ to Canada, stealin’ away jobs from our Drakes and Jann Ardens. And who’s gonna pay for their EI? That’s right! The taxpayer!
Folks talked about how Hillary would have made history, but look at Melania.
I know that Jackie O showed bush, but that was only after leavin’ the White House and marryin’ a Greek. Goin’ in, I think Missus Trump is probably the first to have done a lesbo photo shoot.
I’m still hearin’ the nervous Nellies, worried about Trumpy getting’ the launch codes, but hopefully they’ll be silenced soon, one way or the other.
Sure, about half of the world’s nuclear weapons are at his disposal, but look at his record in the frozen steaks racket and professional wrestling. I’m confident he’ll use ’em wisely.
Besides, he’s buds with Johnny Putin, so if there’s a nuclear war we’ll probably be on the same side now. I don’t know what country’ll be on the receiving end, but I can’t wait to find out.
Maybe they should put a “___ Days Without A Nuclear Launch” counter on the White House lawn, just to keep everybody up to speed.
And since it’s America they can already fill in the blank.