Latest Drivel for Tuesday, May 30, 2017

Sometimes reading feels that way, too
Working as a writer often feels like walking up to a very thick, resilient brick wall, shaking its hand and saying, “Hi, nice to meet you, I follow you on Twitter,” and then smashing your face into it over and over and over again until one brick from the wall gently tumbles out. You do this forever and then maybe one day you start teaching budding writers to do the same. I don’t know why any of us write; it is a terrible sickness.
—Scaachi Koul,, May 12, 2017.

Of course, the best part will be just pulling a day out of your ass and demanding double time to show up
Every year, Mother’s Day—and Father’s Day too for that matter — are ridiculed for their Hallmark-, Indigo-inspired consumerism. Lately though, these holidays are getting a bad rap for something else too: rather than make people feel good, they tend to make them feel bad or excluded. For example: Both Mother’s Day and Father’s Day are extremely difficult for people who have lost parents or children…. The gendered holidays are also generally a drag for non-binary parents who don’t identify with a single gender. Some of these parents have even begun advocating online for the creation of a brand new holiday to recognize parents who aren’t male or female. (A proposed date for “Non Binary Parents Day” is July 17)….. This is why I’d like to propose that we scrap both Mother’s Day and Father’s Day for good. And in the spirit of both inclusivity and selfishness, I’d like to propose a new holiday called “Guardian’s Day.” Guardian’s Day, which has a nice sci-fi fantasy ring to it, will be a rotating statutory holiday— meaning you can celebrate it any day you please, and you can interpret it any way you like.
—Emma Teitel, Toronto Star, May 12, 2017.

There’s this new book out called How Not to Hate Your Husband After Kids, and I’m reading it, obviously.
—Leah McLaren, Globe and Mail, May 17, 2017.

Hey, a little less solipsism, a little more dusting—problem solved!
Not because I hate my husband but because, like many working mothers, I often feel as if I’m drowning in the quicksand of domestic life while my partner somehow manages to float above it all, Scotch glass and newspaper in hand…. To say most married heterosexual mothers are obsessed with the issue of the chores gap…would be an extreme understatement. It’s a constant preoccupation. If we are not talking about it, we are probably thinking about it…. We are reading about it. We are writing books and magazine articles and endless Huffington Post blogs about it. But for the most part men aren’t doing the same. They are not sharing our blogs or reading our magazine articles or books.

For certain parties, option 1 is looking more appealing by the day
I have thought a lot about the issue and have come to the conclusion that the average middle-income working mother in this situation has exactly four choices: 1) get divorced, 2) lower your standards and live in filth, 3) throw money at the problem and make the necessary material sacrifices or 4) do everything and stomp around in a rage all the time (which is really just a circuitous way to end up back at option 1). My family has chosen option 3, which means that when we do argue it’s about money instead of laundry, but it also means I’m a lot less angry and exhausted than the mothers I know who do everything and work full-time. It’s an expensive business, not hating your husband. But someone’s gotta do it.

Amazing! It’s almost like they’re two completely different species!
So it goes that every week produces a fresh news cycle about what millennials do and don’t do with little context about who we actually are. And who we are is an important question when publishing stories about millions of people, some of whom are separated in age by almost 20 years.… Millennials aren’t just a generation derided; we are generation divided…. Old millennials came of age when Paris Hilton and Nicole Richie were famous for being famous; young millennials grew up watching the significantly more voluptuous Kardashian clan (no doubt just as vapid, but arguably far better TV for anyone with body image issues)…. When old millennials think something is cool we say it’s “sick.” When young millennials think something is cool or exciting, they say it’s “lit” or “fire.” Old millennial women plucked their eyebrows to oblivion when they were in high school; young millennial women went au naturel…. Young millennials…never knew adolescence without smartphones and social media…. But for old millennials like me…nobody had a smartphone…. Instead, thanks to a newly invented social media website called Facebook, digital cameras blew up in popularity.
—Emma Teitel, Toronto Star, May 10, 2017.

Sorry, I just totally forgot it was considered a sport

Man a lot of people were mad at me this week. I want to say I am sorry. It’s true, somehow, I left my beloved Toronto Argos out of a column on Toronto sports and I heard about it from loyal fans. Not sure how it happened but I want to make it up to you. Here’s a picture I took of two Toronto Argo cheerleaders—Alex and Leanne—at the Toronto Crime Stoppers dinner.
—Joe Wormington, Toronto Sun, May 12, 2017.

Nor do writer’s of yours
Mayor’s of that calibre do not come cheap.

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5 comments on “Latest Drivel for Tuesday, May 30, 2017
  1. OJM says:

    Leah has evolved into some kind of Gen X Erma Bombeck, but one a lot less savvy and cool than the original.

  2. daveS says:

    Wow! The same Fearsome 4 every week.
    They wouldn’t by any chance just be published for those who move their lips when they read, would they?

    I am surprised that Koul or Teitel even know where the period is on they keyboard. Could we see a first draft before those frightened editors get to it.
    Jeffrey Simpson, All is forgiven.

  3. RoddyPiper says:

    No Drivel is complete without a contribution from The Lord Tubby! Has his Lardship taken a holiday from his keyboard?!

  4. Forbes Kennedy says:

    My deepest condolences to the eunuch known as Mr. Leah McLaren.

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