Bride of Skippy!

A delight to see Jenni Byrne once again deploying the famous charm and forthrightness that made her such a force as the Tories’ election mastermind.

Byrne, readers will recall, fled town in a hail of bullets after the 2015 shitshow, for which she caught more blame than President Steve. The She-Wolf of the CPC, her detractors claimed, doomed the otherwise uplifting and edifying Tory campaign with her nepotistic team of inexperienced friends and family, selected for their loyalty to Herself alone, including a cousin and her former hairdresser.

But you can’t keep a good woman — or Jenni – down, and she soon resurfaced as a senior communications thingy at Bayfield Strategy, and now fluffs for image-challenged corporate clients like Fortress Real Developments, leading hustlers of the woofy syndicated mortgage schemes disturbing the slumbers of various regulators.

Byrne

Reuters hack Mark Scuffingham reported Nov. 30 on various investigations from the Finance Ministry, FSCO, CRA and RCMP into ludicrous allegations that Fortress’s investment products, peddled to unsophisticated retail investors as guaranteed money-makers, misrepresent risks, cut regulatory corners, or in any way whatsoever resemble Ponzi schemes:

“In the past decade, more than 20,000 retail investors have put as much as C$1.5 billion (US$1.17 billion) into syndicated mortgages, mostly in Ontario, according to regulatory sources. Roughly 90 percent of those investments, the sources said, have ended in a loss or are at risk of doing so, and Fortress projects make up more than half of the investments.”

Company founders Jawad Rathore and Vince Petrozza were sadly unavailable for comment, leaving Jenni to issue their blanket denials/libel chills: “Fortress will continue to vigorously defend themselves against false untrue claims.”

Good times. Of course, when it comes to personal endorsement of strictly caveat emptor goods, our Jenni, it seems, will never live down her time as pillow puppy to parliamentary pindick Pierre Poilievre.

In those days, denizens of Byrne’s Centretown apartment building had no idea who the supremely unpleasant woman elbowing them aside in the laundry room was, or thought she was. But they could easily identify the shifty-eyed knob who walked Jenni’s corgi. It was the over-exposed member for Nepean-Carleton, as seen on CPAC.

Long after their split, the Byrne-Poilievre power-coupling remains a biographical touchstone, as in Globe and Mail typist Laura Stone‘s profile last month of Pissy Pierre as chief tormentor of Finance Minister Bill Morneau:

“That a 38-year-old career politician commonly known as ‘Skippy’ could successfully challenge the well-heeled 55-year-old former executive chair of Morneau Shepell, which describes itself as the largest administrator of retirement and benefits plans in Canada, has proved to be one of the biggest surprises of Mr. Poilievre’s tenure.”

Cue the obligatory romantic rehash, as Stone notes, “He also dated Jenni Byrne, one of Mr. Harper’s top political operatives, for years. His current girlfriend works for Conservative MP Michael Cooper.”

Mercifully not publicly linked by name to the honourable member, the delightful Anaida Galindo.

Ana, an escapee from socialist hellhole Venezuela, hit Frank‘s Hotties on the Hill registry in 2015 (since discontinued by order of the House of Commons Chief Human Resources Officer) whilst toiling winsomely in the office of Senate government leader Claude Carignan.

Galindo

Talented Ana’s duties in arch-Catholic nutter Cooper’s office are clearly unequal to her vast energies, which she pours into sidelines like hustling memberships for Greco fitness, running her inevitable consulting company, Wellington Solutions, with Kampus Konservatives Brooklyn DeForest and Marcus Mattinson, and, when time permits, puffing Pierre with likes and retweets social media.

Frank salutes the resolute Ms. Galindo. There are certainly easier and more dignified ways to serve party and country than anywhere near the regrettable member for Carleton.

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6 comments on “Bride of Skippy!
  1. John MacLachlan Gray says:

    For no particular reason, whenever I see this particular “career politician” I want to punch him in mouth & step on his glasses. I guess it’s the Skippy magic at work.

    • OJM says:

      I want to see him spontaneously burst into flames on the floor of the Commons…granted, the likelihood of such a happy event is small, but I am a hopeful person by nature.

  2. RoddyPiper says:

    Could FRANK please stop referring to the Cons as “Tories”? Dalton Camp, Robert Stanfield, and Joe Clark were/are Tories, but since Peter McKay allowed a hostile takeover by Harpoon and a rebranding into the Con Party of Canada, the Tories became an extinct species.

    • Alan Smithee says:

      Tomato, tomatoe!

    • Patrick60 says:

      Ahem.

      Tory (n.)
      1566, “an outlaw,” specifically “one of a class of Irish robbers noted for outrages and savage cruelty,” from Irish toruighe “plunderer,” originally “pursuer, searcher,” from Old Irish toirighim “I pursue,” from toir “pursuit,” from Celtic *to-wo-ret- “a running up to,” from PIE root *ret- “to run, roll” (see rotary).

      About 1646, it emerged as a derogatory term for Irish Catholics dispossessed of their land (some of whom subsequently turned to outlawry); c. 1680 applied by Exclusioners to supporters of the Catholic Duke of York (later James II) in his succession to the throne of England. After 1689, Tory was the name of a British political party at first composed of Yorkist Tories of 1680. Superseded c. 1830 by Conservative, though it continues to be used colloquially. As an adjective from 1680s. In American history, Tory was the name given after 1769 to colonists who remained loyal to the crown; it represents their relative position in the pre-revolutionary English political order in the colonies.

      A Tory has been properly defined to be a traitor in thought, but not in deed. The only description, by which the laws have endeavoured to come at them, was that of non-jurors, or persons refusing to take the oath of fidelity to the state. [Jefferson, “Notes on the State of Virginia”]

      conservative
      rotary
      Share

  3. Patrick60 says:

    They banned “Hotties on the Hill”? What is this? Russia?

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