Ezrapology™: Levant means forever having to say you’re sorry

“[Trudeau]’s pretty and rich and has beautiful hair and wears his shirt undone one button lower than you do.”

“Handsome is too ugly a word for what he looks like. I mean, think of that hair.”

“His beauty gets him by…gorgeous manly beauty.”
–Ezra Levant.

An infinite number of shrinks with an infinite number of penile plethysmographs could no doubt chart the dark, steaming depths of Ezra Levant’s infinite man-crush on Liberal Baublehead™ Justin Trudeau.

Lacking such fruit-machine super computation, Frank can only speculate whether the Sun News onanist’s latest public knuckle-shuffler on the Liberal leader was sufficiently mortifying to his employers as to occasion another classic Ezrapology^TM.

The conditions are ripe, with the factual basis for his claims that the dauphin had “forced himself” into a young bride’s wedding photos shredded by her father-in-law and Trudeau the Younger having issued a fatwa freezing out the entire Quebecor empire in retaliation for Ezra’s leering televised shagalogue of the carnal adventures of his slutty parents – complete with a beaver shot of Maggie.

Indeed, while rumours are rife that Ezra’s for the high jump this time, the Sun Media mascot is made of slipperier stuff than that. Will he don his trusty Happy Knees for one more editorial walk of shame? It is, after all, a penitent path he’s come to know well:

2013: The Roma

“Gypsies constitute a culture synonymous with swindlers,” Ez warns his viewers. “The phrase Gypsy and cheater have become so interchangeable the word entered the English language as a verb: to gyp…Gypsies have come to Canada to rob us blind as they have done in Europe for centuries.”

The xenophobic foamer is a big hit with the Al-Ezra Brigade of online commenters, some of whom have fantasies of killing the invading Roma. This final solution circle jerk is too much even for Sun Media, and after a few days, the posts are deleted.
Levant and the Sun News Network apologize six months later, on the same day the network submits its final application to the CRTC in a bid to gain mandatory carriage on basic cable.

Frank sources suggest Levant had another motive for apologizing: He faced possible charges under the Criminal Code for “public incitement and willful promotion of hatred,” and the on-air climb down was the price to avoid charges by the Ontario Attorney-General’s office.

2011: Chiquita

Ezra attacks the Chiquita banana company for its policy not to use fuel derived from the Alberta tar sands, and tells Chiquita vice president Manuel Rodriguez, in Spanish, and on-air, to “go fuck his mother!”

The Canadian Broadcast Standards Council later orders him to issue an on-air mea culpa.

2010: George Soros

The Swiss based grillionaire backs a lobby outfit called Avaaz, which tries to stop Sun Media’s license for a TV news channel.

It’s all too much for Ezra, who explains to Sun lip movers that Soros, a Hungarian Jew, “collaborated with the Nazis” after they invaded in 1944 and started deporting 440,000 Jews to the death camps. Soros was a teenager at the time.

“Moral hollowness has shaped Soros’ life,” yammers Ez. “A rabid critic of capitalism [he] speculated against the British pound in the nineties, causing it to crash, devastating retirement savings for millions of Britons.”

“This is a man who boasted he offered to help his mother commit suicide. Apparently he didn’t see enough death in Hungary. Soros is a sociopath [with] $14 billion, and he likes to spend it on politics.”

Soros sued. Sun Media issued an abject climbdown and paid an undisclosed sum (shurely not $250,000?!—ed.) which Soros reportedly donated to one of his favourite liberal causes.

They don’t come any sorrier than Ezra.