Excerpts from “Sen. Duffy’s Schedules,” circa 2012, entered into evidence at his fraud trial. A fascinating glimpse into the inner workings of the renowned legislator. (Ed. note: this is not a parody.)
Mar. 29, 2012, 9.10am. Sears delivers Washer and Dryer stands.
April 8, 8am. Crown moulding installed.
April 26, 11am. MD explosive (Garlic cabbage rolls?)
April 29, 2.30pm. Begin sifting thru boxes to prepare for Shred-It.
Sept. 21, 3.30pm. Call Debbie Hampton Inn North Conway re missing pillow.
Sept. 10, H&M (Heather and Mike) cut grass MD rides John Deere.
Sept. 3, 11:00 am. Pick up new locks at Home Depot.
Sept. 3, 2:30pm. Drop off blazer with mustard stain + Home Depot, order keys for new lock set.
July 5, 4:45pm. Buy cordless phone batteries.
July 29, 12:00pm. MD Drop shirts off @ Belevedere
July 24, 6:30pm. Heather sees kink in temp sewar [sic] line—jumps in to straighten it!
July 24, 12:00pm. Rain begins.
July 15, 10am. Polish speech for Canadian Seed Trade Assn.
July 14, 1:05pm. Check Home Depot re: filters for Maytag dish washer.
Back in the 90s, you referred to Mr. Duffy as a “flatulent apologist”, which he took great exception to. He owes you an apology and a full refund of the out-of-court settlement, plus interest. The nerve of this guy. Please see the entry for April 26. Truth will out, in his own words!
Sept. 31, 2:45pm. Scored some free Camembert and crackers, courtesy Senator Baby Ruth (or whatever the hell she calls herself).
The Seed Trade Association’s motto is “Growing For The World;” no doubt an opportunity for Duff’s trademark self-deprecating humour.
Oh … my … God!! I nearly laughed myself into a permanent state of hiccups. I’ll say it again: you can’t make this s–t up!!
Oh, Frank … Frank, how could you miss the gripping entry (on page 183 of the massive PDF file) for December 29, 2011, which reads:
“8:42-8:47 MD scarfs pint of Hagen Daaz. Yikes.”