A Senator’s Diary
Ottawa, May 6, 2015
Have these people no shame? Now, they’re dragging the Ol’ Duff’s poor ol’ dog into it.
They must all be cat people, like that whole Harper gang can’t say a bad word about cats or they’re looking for work. What kind of a “leader” prefers cats? You can’t even lead a cat.
OK, so we went to the dog show in Peterborough. Even the Ol’ Duff needs a little break sometime. (You think listening to Dean del Mastro blubbering into his coffee isn’t work!?)
But we didn’t buy our Kerry Blue there like they say.
We actually picked up her up in New Brunswick many months later and we drove her all the way back to our home away from home in Kanata.
I remember thinking, “What a good puppy. She didn’t let out so much as a whimper the whole time.”
But when we got back to our secondary residence, we had trouble waking the her up, so we assumed she was just shagged out.
But, next day, when even a Colonel’s Dinner from KFC failed to rouse her, we phoned the breeder back in N. B.
She assured us it was just resting, or maybe pining for the pines, which there are many of in New Brunswick. Kerry Blues were like that, she said. Beautiful dog, lovely coat though, she said. And we had to agree.
But a week later, the puppy still hadn’t moved. So we decided to send her back to New Brunswick on the Senate’s tab. It was really sad when the UPS guy came to get her.
Ottawa, May 7, 2015
Skwerly!? Squirilly!? Squirralley!? Squirrelly!?
Squirrelly!? Me, who naively let them appoint the Ol’ Duff in a province everyone knew I didn’t live in? Me, who naively let them exploit the Ol’ Duff’s fame and charisma as the beloved public face for their nasty little operation?
Me, who they betrayed first chance they got, demanded the Ol’ Duff pay back expenses he only incurred because of them, so their little optical problem would just go away?
Squirrelly!? No wonder I’m
skwurily squirelly squiraly squirrelly!
‘Cause what did I get in the end? A one-way ticket to Cavendish!
You was my leader, Stephen. You shoulda looked out for me a little bit. I coulda had class. I coulda been a senator.
I coulda been somebody, instead of a perp, which is what I am, let’s face it. It wasn’t Nigel, Stephen, it was you!
Better watch your nuts then, or you’ll find them in a tree!