Latest Drivel, Sept. 14, 2015.

Ever consider Can You Forgive Her? instead?
If columns had names, I’d want mine to be called The Way We Live Now, after the Trollope novel of that title…. In a strange way, he was like columnists of today in that he wrote in a naturalistic style based on social realism and issues of the day, and he never ran out of material. The way for journalists to stay current is to notice things, in daily life and in fiction…. For instance, I see salespeople are getting older…. The new 2016 Ikea catalogue…is packed with small inexpensive objects rather than large pieces of furniture. My cabbie is an accountant working 12-hour weekend shifts to earn extra money. Along with economic statistics, these snapshots show how much Canadians are suffering. Here’s another story: small green homemade Fentanyl pills are killing people nationwide.… Fiction is as helpful as fact in explaining why healthy, prosperous people might use a weekend drug to ease the pain of a humdrum existence. The Goldfinch, by Donna Tartt, the novel I have loved most in my life — I’ve bought a copy for each floor in my house….
—Heather Mallick, Toronto Star, Aug. 18, 2015.

Hey, what about that time Kerouac gave Neal Cassady a bad cold on top of a wicked dose of the clap?
Or consider this majestic lyric of Beyoncé’s: “I sneezed on the beat, and the beat got sicker.” It’s a gem of language today that would have been incomprehensible 50 years ago.
—Elizabeth Renzetti, Globe and Mail, Aug. 24, 2015.

Low-hanging fruit
…I object to taking the sexual mickey out of mammaries. I have no desire to relinquish any of my erogenous zones simply because they also carry a biological function as lactating baby-feeders.
—Rosie DiManno, 61, Toronto Star, Sept. 2, 2015.

Did I mention it’s the most iconic crossroads in America?
Let me take you first to Times Square, most iconic crossroads in America, and site of a freshly reprised debate on public morality…. Gov. Andrew Cuomo says it reminds him of the bad old sleazy days, when Times Square—most iconic crossroads in America—was a mosh pit of strip joints and sex shows.
—DiManno, op. cit.

Bitch!
“It’s going to be a journey,” my hairdresser said, pawing through my head of hair like it was a purse with something she had lost at the bottom.
—Sarah Hampson, Globe and Mail, Aug. 12, 2015.

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3 comments on “Latest Drivel, Sept. 14, 2015.
  1. Papadoc says:

    Ahh.and how I miss that mosh pit.

  2. OJM says:

    What’s with all this breastly narcissism among the Star’s hackettes? Time for a Mallick-DiManno Rack-Off, methinks.

  3. gormab says:

    “I have no desire to relinquish any of my erogenous zones …!?” First they came for the breasts, but I was not a breast, so I said nothing.

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