Poor Lynton Crosby. Try as he might, the Aussie political Svengali is having a helluva time turning around the Conservatives’ election campaign.
The big headache for the Lizard of Oz is the Tory war room, where campaign manager Jenni Byrne continues to compile an embarrassing string of cock-ups.
Byrne’s handpicked team of Little Shits™ have badly bungled the screening of Tory candidates most recently Blair Dale, the backwards-named party flag carrier in Bonavista-Burin-Trinity.
Dale got the bum’s rush after blogger Robert Jago Googled up some of his social media remarks, including a YouTube comment in which he took issue with the call for more people o’ colour in Hollywood flicks:
“If you want to see more of your race, stop supporting things that aren’t about it,” he told another poster.
He joins Gerry “My Cup Runneth Over” Bance and wank-caller Tim “The Unicaller” Dutaud in the rubbish bin of Jenni’s due diligence.
Byrne, her many detractors claim, has amplified her own shortcomings by assembling a dubious collection of Little ShitsTM and losebags with little or no experience in the black arts.
Her m.o. over the past nine years has been to fire or squeeze out anyone halfway capable at their job as a threat to her hegemony. (A moment of silence, please, for, among so many others, Jason Lietaer, Chris Rougier, Andrew MacDougall, Patrick Rogers, Joseph Lavoie and Geoff Donald.)
They’ve been replaced by junior braunshirts with zero experience who will blindly do her bidding. Her decisions go unquestioned because they depend on her for employment, and know they’ll be under the bus the moment she deems them dispensable.
The campaign sluggos with some experience, like Kory Teneyke, Matt Wolf, Dennis Matthews, Jonathan Munn, Harrison Reuss and Kris Sims, are all Sun News survivors who, by any possible metric, failed dismally at their previous positions. (Those who hail Teneyke as some sort of media guru have obviously forgotten that he was the genius behind the Doug/Rob Ford show–which lasted one shambolic episode.)
Kory’s krew may be slow, but they’re ahead of Jenni. Among more recent Byrne blunders was the fish fuckup, when Harper announced last month a $15 million plan to protect salmon habitat in BC.
Her Little ShitsTM proved no detail was too small to trip them up and used a picture of an Atlantic salmon instead of the Pacific model in posts touting the plan. Widespread mockery and hasty revisions ensued.
Jenni’s junior rangers include:
George Habchi: Intern coordinator, who Tory insiders claim should have been fired for schtupping the interns. Instead, he was promoted to Election Readiness Manager. Habchi is currently in Toronto, running riding operations and being a pain in the ass for the war room.
Michael Oberman: Claim to fame was his involvement in the secret recording of Liberal MP John McKay in an attempt to embarrass Justin Trudeau. The Tories got great mileage out of McKay saying he thought Trudeau had a “bozo eruption” when he declared that anti-abortion candidates won’t be allowed to run for the Liberals. Mikey’s accomplishments since? Er…
Laura Kurkimaki: Hired to work at the PMO/war room as an “issues manager,” she happens to be Jenni’s cousin.
Sarah Sousa: Hired because she used to work at an Ottawa salon Jenni frequented.
Rebecca Dawson: Hired because she’s a close personal friend of Jenni’s. Little political experience and even less technical know-how.
Another product of Jenni’s incestuous oeuvre, brother in law Dan Kosick, just got spanked by the federal ethics commish for breaking the ethics rules by taking a job with a lobbying firm during the so-called “cooling off” period required of former ministerial staff.
Dan, hubby to Jenni’s sister Jerra, had served as a policy adviser to then-human resources minister Diane Finley from 2010 until August 2013, when he joined lobbying and public relations company Flagship Solutions, Inc. – a firm he had dealings with in his job with Finley. (His most recent government earner was with Byrne’s ex-legover Pierre Poilievre.)
Whether Jenni played a role in Dan’s lobbying adventures may never be known, but she also pulled strings to snag Jerra gigs on the Hill with cabmins Stockboy Day and Lynne Yelich. She even finagled her dad, Jerry, another Reform party die-hard, a posh position as ministerial driver.
Pater’s $50,000 emolument was adequate, but it really became a tidy little earner when you factored in the $20-$40K in overtime racked up lounging in an idling limo, awaiting ministerial pleasure.
After CTV blew the whistle on chauffeurs collectively dinging taxpayers $600,000 for OT in a single year, the Tories reclassified the cabinet wheelmen as exempt staff. This gave them a modest pay bump, but derailed their overtime gravy train. Jerry did the math and resigned forthwith.
Now is the time for all Jenni’s rellies to come to the aid of the party!