Drivel/Braunnose Daily Double

If you don’t like Nickelback, buzz off. Go read Ulysses or watch a Woody Allen movie with all the other snobs.

The rest of us are sick and tired of Canada’s greatest band being abused as a pawn and a punchline, even in the U.S. Republican race.

At a weekend rally for frontrunner Donald Trump, some joker stood front and centre with a sign that sneered, “Trump Likes Nickelback.”

A Trump heavy moved quickly to Nickelblock the dude, whoever he was. Lone wolf, or plant?

Similar protests have dogged the campaign of Trump’s closest rival. “Ted Cruz Likes Nickelback” keeps greeting the senator’s campaign bus.

But even Democrat pols are targets. Chicago Mayor Rahm Emanuel had to tweet an indignant denial after a striking teacher accused him of liking Nickelback.

But in hoity-toity circles, it is an insult to accuse one of liking Nickelback.

They’ve sold more than 50 million albums with songs you likely heard in the background during your last bar brawl. Songs like Rockstar, and Something In Your Mouth. Simple, growly, loud and lewd. Songs that make aficionados of Leonard Cohen spew their cappuccino.

Success is always the best retort to an insult. Trump, a billionaire with hit TV shows and a hot wife, knows this better than anybody.

The effete elites hated Rob Ford, yet his popularity numbers defied all of his coke-addled attempts to kibosh them. They hate Trump, too, yet he has a good shot at the White House. His numbers go up every time the entitled, beautiful people squawk about him.

Ford, Trump, Nickelback. Champions of silent majorities, all, in their ways. It’s an immutable law of poli-physics: If the snobs despise you, you’ll sell like gangbusters.
–Mike Strobel, Toronto Sun, Jan. 12, 2016.

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5 comments on “Drivel/Braunnose Daily Double
  1. gormab says:

    I hate to say anything that approaches agreement with Strobel, but it does amaze me that so many people lionize BTO and Guess Who, and dump on Nickelback, which fits quite comfortably into that continuum of Canadian dumb-thudpucker party rock.

  2. ruffneck4u says:

    Nickelback hate puzzles me. Perhaps nothing more than envy on the part of the haters. Chad’s success is no accident. People will testify that Chad was a diligent grunt on his way to the top; always promoting his work and writing songs when lesser aspirants would be partying instead.

  3. Muldoon's NyQuil says:

    Nickelback wrote the song ‘Something in Your Mouth.’ (You’re so much cooler when you leave it in your mouth/’cuz you look so much cuter with something in your mouth.)

    They wrote the song “Sex” (Sex is always the answer, never a question.)

    Besides being an over-compressed, over-rated band with no dynamic range and a fan base consisting of 20-year-old males with an affinity for Vin Diesel movies, they are also music plagiarists. Even with that, their songwriting is incredibly awful. Every song sounds exactly the same. If you can get past the overly-distorted guitars that only play power chords, gravel-vocals that sound like constipation and a mash of buzzing mediocrity to actually listen to the lyrics all you’ll find are recycled, immature themes and rhyme schemes. Look at the rhyme scheme in the song “Photograph”

    . . .

    A pickle got more fans than them in a manner of weeks on Facebook.

    They got heckled off the stage and had rocks thrown at them. Granted, this was a crowd of Portuguese metal-heads, but still, if these people can tell Nickelback is terrible …

    Nickelback has single-handedly caused a pandemic of Canadian male douchey-ness. It has branded a 21st century man-tool. You know the type. They’re the guys who get the Chinese symbol for “Bro” tattooed on their bodies. They’re the guys who pay $9 to watch Michael Bay movies. They’re the guys who wear Affliction t-shirts. And they’re all around us. Their stealth though. They hide in plain sight. Don’t let the suit fool you. Can’t walk five feet on Bay Street without tripping over one.

    In 2008, Chad Kroeger was awarded the “Douche Bag of the Year Award” by the Guardian because he is a, “Self-important drunk driver and propagator of the worst music ever. With bad hair.”

    Despite the fact that we all know the words to “How You Remind Me,” it’s not 2001 anymore. Let’s stop giving this painfully generic, highly overrated band another multi-million dollar paycheck. Time to blow his ass off the map with a Tony Kiedis night-stick before it marries a Kardashian!

    The Reviews Are In!

    The Vancouver Sun described Nickelback as “one of the most despised bands in the world.”

    The Los Angeles Times wrote, “Nickelback’s music isn’t for hipsters or the illuminati. It’s for people who don’t want to have to think.”

    Silverside Up (2001): “if you’re looking for originality, you might want a full refund instead of a Nickelback”––Rolling Stone

    The Long Road (2003): “Brazenly consistent, if unimaginative.” ––Rolling Stone

    The Long Road (2003): “Nickelback can now afford a little more time in the studio and a little more time to indulge themselves, and they turn out the same record, only slicker, which only highlights just how oppressively and needlessly sullen this group is.” ––Allmusic

    All The Right Reasons (2005): “All the Right Reasons is so depressing, you’re almost glad Kurt’s not around to hear it.” ––Rolling Stone

    All The Right Reasons (2005): “Like all Nickelback releases before it, All The Right Reasons was made for all the wrong ones and follows all the formulas and cliche’s you should be bored to death of by now.”––Tiny Mix Tapes

    Dark Horse (2008): “Nickelback are a gnarled, vulgar band reveling in their ignorance of the very notion of taste, lacking either the smarts or savvy to wallow in bad taste so they just get ugly, knocking out knuckle-dragging riffs that seem rarefied in comparison to their thick, boneheaded words.”––Allmusic

  4. gormab says:

    Hey. Wha’ ya got against Puerto-geesh metal-hairs. Huh?

  5. gormab says:

    Alan Park made the ultimate statement on Nickelback with his masterpiece, “I Got Nothin’ to Say,” when he was with Air Farce:

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