Calling the kettle Tubby

That Michael Bloomberg would wish to support Hillary Clinton is perfectly unexceptionable. Not so pardonable is his shabby, ad hominem attack on [Donald] Trump. He didn’t have to be so nasty and self-demeaning … His speech against his fellow billionaire [was] contemptible.
–Tubby Black, National Post, July 30, 2016.

Tubby Ad Hominems Through the Ages

On Black biographer Tom Bower, 2012. “He was a minor pestilence who had festered and pustullated on the edges of journalism and trash books and emerged like the expectant undertaker whenever any prominent financier was under siege. We’ll take the fillings out of his teeth and the roof off his house when we finally get round to dragging him into court. He’s a dead man.”

On Peter Newman, former Black confidante, 2011. “This putrefied gossip’s preoccupation with such lurid public ruminations was apparently inexhaustible.”

On Marie Josée Kravis, former friend, onetime Black trophy board member with Hollinger Inc., 2011. “She appeared to be embalmed. So white and taut was her face… Her rather high hair appeared to be set with magic glue, and her wax works face was not well served by dollops of red lipstick like Anne Hathaway’s in The Devil Wears Prada.”

On Warren Buffett, 2012: “History’s wealthiest useful idiot (in political matters) . . . the apotheosis of that unique American phenomenon, the very rich know-it-all.”

On John Ralston Saul, 1988. “A familiar and somewhat pitiful figure who has hovered and festered for some years on the fringes of Canadian government and fiction writing. Those who would retain his services should confine him to subjects better suited…to his sniggering, puerile, defamatory and cruelly limited talents.”

On Norman Mailer, 1969: “The bedraggled warhorse of American blowhardism.”

On recently deceased Canadian historian Ramsay Cook, who penned a critical review of Black’s biography of former Quebec premier Maurice Duplessis, in 1976: “A slanted, supercilious little twit [with] the professional ethics of a cockroach.”

On his trial prospects, Maclean’s magazine essay, 2007: “Those with any interest will soon be able to determine whether the braying, hideous tricoteuses among my accusers, especially in the British press, the prosecutors’ most obedient cheering section, or my supporters and I, have spoken the truth. It will be a relief to expose my accusers and their parrots and their false charges.”

On film critic Roger Ebert, ex-Black employee who supported Chicago Sun-Times employees in a labour dispute, 2004: “I vividly recall your avaricious negotiating techniques through your lawyer, replete with threats to quit, and your generous treatment from (Black lieutenant) David Radler, which yielded you an income of over $500,000 (U.S.) per year from us. …Your proletarian posturing on behalf of those threatening to strike the Sun-Times and your base ingratitude are very tiresome.”

On Paul Healy, Hollinger’s vice-president for investor relations, 2011: “has a little porcine face … so puffy it made his spectacles seem smaller, like those of a Stalin apparatchik … a maladjusted, scheming courtier, alternately fawning and snarling at the hand that fed him for so long.”

On press photographers, 2011: “Terribly overweight, faceless louts … There is something primitive and barely animate about them, and in swarms they are like a great mass of Jurassic rodents, grunting and heaving.”

On Judge Richard Posner of the Seventh Circuit Court of Appeals, who lead the appeal panel that ruled against Black, 2011: Has a “sociopathic personality” and is “a dreary, unreasoning pustule of animus.”

On Phillip Slayton’s review of A Matter of Principle, Literary Review of Canada, 2012: “I can’t help wondering, briefly, where Canlit finds crabby, obscure reviewers like this; perhaps there is a home for hobbit ogres with literary pretensions somewhere in Canada. Or maybe this is a Mr. Hyde to an otherwise house-trained Dr. Jekyll who can be induced to come snorting out of the undergrowth snapping and gibbering on special occasions. Whoever this reviewer is has serious cognitive problems and apparently suffers from a merciless personality disorder as well. I have, he writes, forfeited his sympathy (which is the last thing I ever sought), but assure him that he has mine.”

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9 comments on “Calling the kettle Tubby
  1. phargrav says:

    It must be hard to sit by and watch Tubby do all the work for you. There’s is none of that creative rush that you can get from doing foto funnies on the man. Tubby is a one-man self-parodying machine.

  2. Patrick60 says:

    I doubt if he realizes that he is an autoparody.

  3. Nete Peedham says:

    Tony Blair, supposedly a left leaning individual, was delighted that Conjob wanted to be a peer. After all, he fit right in to the Blair/Cameron/Boris Johnson Bullingdon Club buffoons.

  4. QCGirl says:

    Geez. And here I thought Bloomberg’s speech denouncing Trump was totally brilliant. Who knew how wrong I could be.

  5. Papadoc says:

    Seems like Lord Tubs is mistakenly describing in one quote his wife Babs and not Kravis! Oops!

  6. OJM says:

    I’m thinking Le Donald may be looking to take a powder after American voters hand him his pasty-white arse come November. What if he became a permanent houseguest at stately Blackadder Manor? Canada has yet to find a comedy duo up to the task of replacing defunct national treasures Johnny Wayne and Frank Shuster…Trump and Black might just be the ticket.

    • daveS says:

      Wayne and Shuster are dead!?
      Why hasn’t the CBC told us?

      • OJM says:

        For the same reason we haven’t heard from Casey and Finnegan in years…suddenly all the great comedy icons and beloved hand-puppets are purged, “Kevin O’Leary” becomes a household name and Rex Murphy is somehow deemed employable…I’m normally not one for conspiracy theories, but it all fits together if you think about it.

  7. John MacLachlan Gray says:

    Black is sucking up to the Donald for future considerations – a gig
    on “The Apprentice” perhaps. Two thin-skinned blowhards for the price of one.

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