Patrick Brown’s Teenage Wasteland

So, it’s Freedom 39 for uncomfortable teen sensation Patrick Brown, who’s finally achieved the name recognition that eluded him throughout his political career.

Despite a monstrously healthy self-image, the onetime Barrie alderthingy and longtime Tiny Tory Boss Tweed was much-ignored as an MP, overlooked for the humblest of parl. sec. or committee chair duties. Even as leader of Her Majesty’s Loyal at Queen’s Park, he remained a cipher, with half of Ontarians polled entertaining absolutely no opinion of him. Those were the days, eh?

The unaccountably successful stickman did, however, manage to run a tireless horizontal marathon through the ranks of Hill staffers and Barrie babes alike, the teetotal barfly endlessly on the troll for a little voter contact.

Bro-coded whispers that Paddy kept a supply of parting gifts – and NDAs – for his overnight guests seemed a lot funnier at the time.

In Ottawa, he made the scene with Tory caucus wingmen like Rick Dykstra (himself spotted during Campaign ’15 buying copious refreshments for underage girls) and Alex Nuttall (another person of interest for some media hacks these days, for whatever reason.)

Back in Barrie, Brown enjoyed the home keg advantage, doling out complimentary cocktails as part owner of Hooligans (formerly The Bank). The youth-oriented local boozecan perhaps reminded our nostalgic host of all those fratty Purple Jesus parties of yesteryear, over which he presided (stone sober) as PC Youth Prez.

Not that there’s anything wrong with any of that, as Paddy’s legalist, the coruscating Bay Street litigator Jonathan Lisus (Lax O’Sullivan Lisus Gottlieb) will no doubt remind countless reporters in the weeks ahead as the honourable member essays to clear his name of these monstrous and dated allegations of hands-on, dick-out youth outreach.

Lisus, already acting for Brown in that $100,000 libel suit from Preem Kathleen Wynne, has never been shy about giving hacks the ol’ without-prejudice brush-back should he take issue with their coverage of his clients.

The Alykhan Velshis of this world may run away and live to fart catch another day. Battle-tested PR necromancers like Navigator may publicly disavow you at the first sign of a discouragin’ hashtag. But a good lawyer is forever, by the hour.

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9 comments on “Patrick Brown’s Teenage Wasteland
  1. OJM says:

    What is the craziest, most self-destructive thing the PCs could do in this situation? Make Doug Ford their new leader, shurely. Which is, it follows, precisely what they will do.

  2. daveS says:

    Navigator!
    And here we have Deirdre McMurdy (Franks passim)”a Principal at Navigator Ltd.” writing in the Grope and Flail that “It’s not over for Ontario’s PC Party” trolling for new clients. [Doug Ford don’t need no ‘steenkin’ advisors’] Catherine Mulroney (no appending husband’s name to herself, fur shure, or for sinking), and Christine Elliott (widow of Federal Conservative finance minister Jim Flaherty)

    And I see that the odious Dimitri Soudas gets his name in the news “the former director of communications to prime minister Stephen Harper who volunteered to run the PCO room, said in a series of tweets on Friday that Ms. MacLeod “informed me of rumours and allegations in regards to her then leader, Mr. Brown….”She did not have specific details. Just rumours. I strongly urged her to….””

  3. Patrick60 says:

    Sad to see Jackals turning so quickly on their own…..

  4. daejevoos says:

    Catherine Mulroney = Caroline Muldoon???

  5. gwright says:

    What a waste of a new haircut.

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