They Paved Paradise And Put Up An Expansion Franchise!

So, it’s Washington and Las Vegas in the finals, then? I suppose that means Washington has a hockey team now?

I guess I haven’t been keepin’ up with the NHL. My Original Six includes the New York Americans, so you could say I’m old school. The school that’s so old teachers could kill malcontent towheads without even fillin’ out paperwork.

Anyhow, the league’s changed so much I hardly recognize it. They don’t even play on ice no more, and instead of sticks and a puck they kick a toy ball around. For the love of Carl Brewer what have they done to the beautiful game?

Come to think of it, I guess I could be watchin’ soccer by mistake. If I am I’ll be the first to admit it. And I suppose that might explain why Toronto’s doin’ so good.

But be that as it may or may not be, we all know that hockey’s just not the same as it was even in the era of Punch Imlach. Then, a player didn’t play so good, or had a goddamn nervous breakdown, and he’d just punch ’em an’ that’d be the end of it. In fact that’s how he got his name, “Imlach,” which I understand is Old Irish for “Take yer lumps, ladies!”

Of course a lot is down to this Bettman fella. A smooth-talkin’ New Yorker, good with figures, in case I got to spell it out for ya.

Now there’s no more bench-clearin’ brawls, ties or Eddie Shack Pop Shoppe commercials. There’s still the odd brain injury, but only just.

He sold Canada down the river, and the river don’t freeze no more so we can’t even play shinny on it.

There’s no shame in chasin’ the Yankee dollar, I’d do it myself if it weren’t for my knees, but how can ya justify Kenora or Grimsby not gettin’ a franchise ahead of Miami or, let’s face it, Vancouver? Yessir, there’s somethin’ rotten in Denmark, especially if we see Copenhagen build an arena to NHL specs.


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One comment on “They Paved Paradise And Put Up An Expansion Franchise!
  1. OJM says:

    Bang on, Dickie boy. The Las Vegas Goombahs (or whatever the hell they’re called) in the Cup final! What next…the Tegucigapla Red-Hot Tamales?

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