Cancellin’ The Public Execution Is Killin’ Me!

Like every red-blooded fella on blood thinners, when I heard the plan for a public execution my feelings ran the gamut from “Holy moley” to “Hot diggity dog!” Last time we saw one of them was Joe Biden’s last debate, so we’re due.

So imagine my disappointment when Mr. Trump caved in to the loony left an’ said he wouldn’t be shootin’ a man in a wheelchair on the television machine. I’d figured he might put it on pay-per-view, bein’ the shrewd businessman he is, maybe with a Rosie O’Donnell witch trial as the opening act, but cancel the whole goddamn show? Like the Poindexters’ll tell ya, Occam’s razor has it the man musta been replaced by an alien, an’ a liberal one at that.

But hold yer dumb horses for a g-d second, or do ya think Our Favourite President hasn’t earned the benefit of the doubt? The man is out there 24-7, 1,000 days of the year playin’ 6-D chess. If he’s gonna cockblock us a live firin’ squad he must have even somethin’ better lined up. Maybe nuke Iran’s Kick Ass Mountain? A Dick can hope. We’re close to the midterms, which in most states is the latest you can legally terminate a democracy. Anyhow ya care to slice the cheese, I’m not about to stop trustin’ the plan now, I’m in too deep, my friend.

Similar deal with bike lanes. Now Dougie’s rippin’ ’em up on Bloor Street I hope he don’t stop there, an’ starts rippin’ up bikes, too. Without bike lanes they’ll start ridin’ on the sidewalks again, aimin’ for seniors’ hips, an’ as long as bike are around the threat of bike lanes comin’ back is real. It’s like the liberals say about gun control: it’s not the stupid people that are the problem, it’s the awesome guns. Well, same goes for bikes, except in this case, for real.