“The leaders of the assault on the Capitol were professional hooligans and not core Trump supporters….”

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“He Lost His Leg. Then He Went to a Taxidermist to Save It”

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“History may be kinder to Mr. Trump.”

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“It’s now the law that elections may be rigged with no oversight, except within the state where the rigging occurred.”

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Tubby Tunes

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“[Trump] was envisioned in ‘an orange jumpsuit’ worn by violent inmates in high-security prisons.”

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“The Chinese people I have met are hard-working. They bear what burdens they must bear because they burn with devotion for their children.”

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“A new house may be erected on the vacant lot where Honey and Barry Sherman once lived…”

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“The oracles are dead, and instead of Aristotle we have Google, the concierge for empty minds.”

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“The entrepreneur picked his proverbial anti-COVID-19 hill to die on and society felt it needed to stop him.”

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Nothing says Merry Christmas like the gift of sausage!

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“A man of such histrionic talents as Donald Trump, could effortlessly recalibrate his approach slightly to exploit the opportunity for the greatest political comeback since Richard Nixon.”

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Gelding the Lilley with Anthony Furey

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“Trump is “the kind of teammate I want.”

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“It’s early, as I tap the keys, and my morning yogourt sometimes awakens odd strains of irony….”

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“When Trump first burst onto the political scene in 2015, I was skeptical. I thought he was uninformed and that his campaign was a publicity stunt.”

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Tubby Tunes

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Gelding the Lilley: “Restos and gyms obviously not the cause of spread”

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TUBBIDAMUS THE IRRETICENT

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It’s nice to be nice to the nice

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“You never know with cameras.”

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“Who or what in hell is vacuous Twitter to ban [sic] the White House Press Secretary…?”

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Tubby Tunes

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Black Lives Matter: A spiritual movement run by witches?

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“Pence was accused of mansplaining all the way through, which, translated into everyday language, means simply that he won the debate.”

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“I am so old with so many underlying conditions that should I actually get COVID-19”

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Maybe you could get a financial adviser to learn you how

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“Joe Biden has a problem staying coherent, even for short periods of time…”

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“We could train [the homeless] on forklifts, loading and unloading trucks.…”

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“In assisting the cause of African Americans, Mr. Trump ranks behind Lincoln as the emancipator of the slaves”

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“How are people wearing their pubic hair these days? Is there a trend I should know about…?”

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“[R]esponsible and intelligent commentators should not be trying to fluff-up [sic] a tapped-out retread.”

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“[Conrad and Barbara] met in 1991, married a year later and still love each other, adore each other’s company and enjoy regular sex.”

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“In the video [the stabber] kicks the victim’s cellphone under a dumpster. It’s pathetic. It’s infuriating.”

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