Maybe you could get a financial adviser to learn you how

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“Joe Biden has a problem staying coherent, even for short periods of time…”

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“We could train [the homeless] on forklifts, loading and unloading trucks.…”

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“In assisting the cause of African Americans, Mr. Trump ranks behind Lincoln as the emancipator of the slaves”

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“How are people wearing their pubic hair these days? Is there a trend I should know about…?”

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“[R]esponsible and intelligent commentators should not be trying to fluff-up [sic] a tapped-out retread.”

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“[Conrad and Barbara] met in 1991, married a year later and still love each other, adore each other’s company and enjoy regular sex.”

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“In the video [the stabber] kicks the victim’s cellphone under a dumpster. It’s pathetic. It’s infuriating.”

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“Could anybody be offended by an Ordinary Working People Day?”

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Tubby Tunes

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Tough Times for Sir John A. Impersonator

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The World According to T. Rex Murphy

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“And now he’s dead.”

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“The less febrile Trump-haters are still trying to sell the complete fabrication that he bungled the COVID-19 crisis…”

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“Was the money from the Gadaffi family donated to [We Charity] by Nelly Furtado blood money?

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Tubby Tunes

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“Mackenzie King was impressed by Mussolini and by Hitler when he met them, but they could be impressive.”

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Tubby Black Mega Drivel

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“Another dance on the mattress with Shirley.”

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“Trump had [in racial terms] an equal opportunity record as an employer, and has never uttered one word of disparagement of any ethnic group…..”

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“The self-righteous pleasure of “I told you so,” is, however, of little comfort when the icy water wends its way around ankle, knee and thigh, threatening to swamp everything…”

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“…a man named ‘Doug’ stepped in the way and said I was ‘not welcome.’”

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“Where is the rule of law?”

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“I myself have been the subject of a pitiful little act of persecution for public truth-telling about systemic racism.”

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Tubby Tunes

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“Police used a taser which proved effective as the man on his knees fell over onto his knapsack.”

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“Is the pandemic over? Or, does its rage stop when people gather for a noble cause?”

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“All of the major networks…are rivaling one another in producing malicious falsehoods about the president as they all move left together.

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“[C]an’t we just agree that there are two sexes and all adults can sort out their own sexuality?”

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“…there’s no one quite like covidiots to expose the toxic hierarchies that operate under pretty ideals of egalitarianism.”

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“I was showered with contempt, scorn and insult eloquently expressed [by] check-in clerks at local motels…”

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Attach the mask to your tin ears, M’lud!

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It was the Druids who drew up the first carbon tax.

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“Trump is often untruthful, but he is genuine….”

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