The Goldy-Diggers: Looking for Mr. Alt-Right

Whither Faith Goldy?

The alt.right loudmouth, cashiered by Rebel Media last month, has been uncharacteristically restrained since.

Granted, she’s busy on social media, still tweeting the loopy ravings that inspire her neo-Nazi fanboys to buff their bananas in their parents’ basements.

Sex has a lot to do with Faith’s success: She’s managed to portray herself as both right-wing objet de fap and a good Catholic girl.

Just last week, for example, she was kvetching again about Ontario schools sex ed curriculum, posting a pic of Teen Vogue’s Guide to Anal Sex, accompanied by her tweet: “Who needs reading, writing, and arithmetic when you have sodomy?”

A couple of weeks earlier, it was, “What in the ACTUAL FU*K? Many refugee claimants found in possession of child porn at Quebec border”

Or: “Germany: Migrant men caught ‘emptying their bowels’ in children’s pool, masturbating in hot tub!”–(who among us!?—ed.)

From a recent Rebel vid: “It’s never appropriate to wear your little boy pants or your little hot pants to church. I’m in the pew behind you. I’m trying to listen to the gospel, but instead I’m looking to see if you’ve got a thigh gap or maybe you got a nick while shaving your legs.”

She’s come a long way from her school days, first at Havergal School For Girls With Ponies and then U. of T.’s Trinity College.

Hard to believe that just five years ago, she was presented with the Gordon Cressy Student Leadership Award for volunteer work on “social justice causes.”

That was 2012, long before she acquired her fixation with “white genocide”, decided that most Jews are “giant Democrat-donor losers,” came to believe there should be a new Crusade to expel Muslims from the Holy Land, cheered on neo-Nazi demonstrators at Charlottesville and appeared on the Daily Stormer affiliated podcast, where she mocked her mentor/boss, Ezra Levant, for accepting “free bacon.”

That was too much, even for Lügenpants. Exit Faith to reflect on her career options.

Likely, she’ll follow the example of Lauren Southern, another of Ezra’s ex-braunskirts, who only two years ago was flunking out of the University of the Fraser Valley in order to run dead last as the Libertarian candidate in the 2015 federal election.

Today, she boasts 310,000 Twitter followers, a ‘best-selling,’ 61-page race-baiting screed entitled, Barbarians: How The Baby Boomers, Immigration and Islam Screwed My Generation, has White house press credentials and makes regular high profile TV appearances on the likes of Sky News, where she recently remarked: “I don’t know why legal immigration even exists anymore when I can just put on some bronzer, get on a dingy boat and just show up at the beaches of Sicily with the Koran in my hand.”

As for Faith, Frank is reliably informed that she’s exploring a reality TV gig!

Turns out that Faith’s best friend-in-the-whole-wide-world is wedding dress designer Justina McCaffrey, and they’ve been working on a pilot for a Bridezilla reality show entitled A Wedding Dress For Everyone But Me. (Justina, readers may recall, was one of Laureen Harper’s besties, when the first matron occupied 24 Sussex.)

The pilot, which has been pitched to at least one LA production house, features a cast of Christian conservative women griping about all the losebag men they’ve dated over the years, a list that includes Nigel Wright, Steve Harper’s onetime Chief of Staff and Mike Duffy cheque-mate, who Justina claims to have been leg-overing back in the day.

Faith also travels in the upper echelon of Tory SoCon circles. She had a fling with one of Patrick Brown’s bumboys, whose name escapes me, and she still brags about her past dalliances with Andrew Coyne, the National Post typist and also a Trinity alum.

The TV pilot/slagfest also features an appearance by Sara MacIntyre, the charm-challenged ex-President Steve flak, most recently seen on the payroll of Kevin O’Leary, in his failed bid to become Tory leader.

Now, on with the show, wherein Faith and the gals grapple with their unaccountable failures to land a man:

Mccaffrey: “A Wedding Dress For Everyone But Me is about me trying to find love life through the process of being a wedding dress designer.”

“But the real reason I decided to do this video is to vent about how hard it is to go out on the dating scene.” [Drones on about all her rotten luck and all the would-be lotharios who message her via Facebook]:

“I don’t dare message them back…that’s disgusting. First off, they say these things like, ‘I love you.’ How can they love me? They only see a few little photos of me.

“Are they going to be there if I’m in the hospital throwing up? Probably not! This is what really bothers me.

“And then we get into the photos. Some of them are really gross. Like when people, like politicians get into scandals, sending pictures, like pornos over online and stuff like that.

“I should have saved all these photos and put them in a book. You know porn sells! You, know, I mean, so…I’m a little bit disgusted about that.

“And the rest of the online dating, it’s just dreadful. For some reason they think I’m single, uh, which I am. Uh, don’t tell anyone, but, um, you know.

“So I have my girlfriend, Faith, who’s wonderful. We hang out, have glasses of wine, martinis, spend some time with each other. She gives me ideas, we go out and meet eligible men.

 Goldy: “I believe in a little thing called the ‘girl mafia’: If you’re hot, you’re smart, you’re pretty, you roll in the right crowds.

And when it comes to [Toronto], we’re about as close as you get to being called the ‘socialite.’ Anywhere you go. The ‘It’ event, you’ll see Justina Mccaffery and Faith Goldy there.”

“Mauricio (Justina’s gay assistant) and I are cool. I’m a hard core Christian conservative and Mauricio is, let’s just say, playing for the other team. And you’d think that we shouldn’t get along but we hit it off. All we do is talk about fashion and about how we can get our girl a man, the right man.

“Justina and I were hanging out and I get a call from this well-to-do bachelor who’s older than me, so you have an idea of what I’m dealing with. Men who want to fly us all around the world, promising us all these, you know, roses and, uh, you know, red carpets. But for some reason, we haven’t found the right people.

MacIntyre: “Justina’s probably too much for the men in this dating market. These guys are always looking for the next best thing, there’s always an app out there for them to find someone with a lower standard. This is the pool we have to choose from. Guys who are just sort of dogs or guys who have mommy issues.

“It’s getting harder to find that grain of sand as you get older because men don’t really want a woman who has a strong personality, has a strong presence and has their own accomplishments.

“These womens [sic] are few of a flock, we stick together and”—(that’s enough Christian charity!—ed.)

For the entire disaster, click here:

https://vimeo.com/185075894