Q-pid eMatch Profile: “Jian”

Well, hi there.

You may find this profile strange, arousing, nefarious or enticing. If so, we should talk.

I’m a floppy-haired Persian of indeterminate age who suddenly finds himself with a lot of time on his many hands.

I have always been interested in a variety of activities in all kinds of rooms, but like the devil of legend, I will enter your room only if you invite me in.

I’m into boundaries. I suppose you could say I’m a little bit Lawrence Hill’s Canada Reads-winning Book of Negroes, and a little bit Miriam Toews’s Giller-nominated All My Puny Sorrows.

When I’m not donkey punching, I can be found listening to music. My musical interests are eclectic and enticing, and range everywhere from Bowie to Bowie-influenced post-electronicore.

Five things I couldn’t live without would be leather wrist cuffs, non-jilted exes, my stubble groomer, hate-fucking and Navigator.

My friends describe me as mellifluous and consensual.

My safe word is “harder.” Safe words are a human right.

You should be old enough to like me on Facebook without your parents consent. Your understanding of consent should be ambiguous and enticing.

I am looking for someone who is not a freelance writer.

If that’s you, I’d love to choke you out over some coffee and see what happens.



  1. Ok, ok……I don’t care if it’s a ‘funny’ or for real!! I can’t stop laughing so it’s a ‘real funny’!! Keep up the good work, who ever you are! #<3it

  2. Maliciously inspired and very funny. This is the reason I go to Frank whenever my id needs some exercise.

  3. Waiting for Terri-Jean Bedford to claim Jian stiffed (no pun intended) her on the bill for ‘special services.’

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