The Senator and the Superintendent

Widespread non-shock over news that the exorbitant Colin Kenny (Franks passim, ad nauseam) has been fingered by Auditor-General Michael Ferguson for expense claim shenanigans and referred to the RCMP for possible charges.

The veteran trougher, like many of his gravy-fingered colleagues, has cut back dramatically on his jet-setting since the A-G’s stormtroopers showed up, billing a mere $25,999 for travel last year, down from $75,777 the year before. Still, not bad for an Ottawa-based senator whose commute to work is a stroll up Elgin Street.

Previous to this late-blooming onset of solicitude for the privy purse, Col. Klink was the second-biggest spender on senatorial travel in this parliament ($204,368.28) coming only second to frequent-flying person-of-interest Pam Wallin ($313,341.14).

So when Ferguson came prowling the Red Chamber looking for a few good scalps, Kenny had nowhere to hide.

Klink’s legendary for lavish toots like the “fact-finding” junket on Afghanistan Kenny finagled during his chairmanship of the national security and defence committee.

Despite being warned the committee couldn’t visit Kandahar, the main purpose of the exercise, Kenny pushed ahead with the rest of the trip to England, the Netherlands and Dubai—at a cost to taxpayers of some $150,000. The hotel bill in Dubai alone was $30,000 for six days.

The boondoggle didn’t go unnoticed. Tory Senator Terry Stratton tabled a motion in November 2006 to hold hearings into the botched trip. When Kenny asked long-suffering Senate legalist Mark Audcent for an opinion, he went to Gowling Lafleur Henderson for advice. The blue chip Ottawa firm charged the Senate/taxpayers $35,000.

Eventually, the Internal Economy Budgets and Administration Committee, which conducts the substance of its meetings in camera, ruled the trip was not a misuse of funds. Among the Internal Economy members who voted thus? Step forward, Senator Colin Kenny!

Those were the days.

But Ferguson’s presentation of Kenny’s glabrous noggin may prove passing awkward for the RCMP, given his, er special relationship with one member of the police force.

Step forward Superintendent Shirley Cuillierrier, director of federal policing partnership and external relations. A 30+ year veteran of the force, Kanesatake-born Shurely has been assisting the horndog senator with his swing for years.

The couple is hard to miss. Shurely, a tall drink of Cialis, towers over the shortarsed senator (5’6” with lifts), and while hundreds of her sisters line up to sue the RCMP for sexual harassment, the Superintendent has voluntarily contended with Col. Kink’s infamous appetites like the friggin’ hero she is.

Nobody loves a woman in uniform more than Frank, but how embarrassing for all concerned should any of the many senatorial toots upon which Shurely has tagged along as the honourable senator’s plus-one become a matter for the Horsemen’s attention (one junket to sunny LA, for which a tour of LAPD operations provided a ‘senate business’ pretext, comes to mind.)

Stay tuned.


  1. Gee, I didn’t see that in the Star’s story today. You can learn a lot from the Satirical Press.

  2. Surprised to see that Kenny dated men in drag. Nice touch with the eyebrows.

  3. Seriously? Her last name is Cuillierrier? Shurely Dick Little could confabulate something from those, um, double-barreled French roots.

  4. “Gott im Himmel! Again someone hass revealed details of my romances to Kanada’s satirical press. Ho-gannn!”

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