Ezra Derangement Syndrome #151: We Need to Talk About Gavin

“You quickly forget the times you were victorious. It’s the times you pussied out that stick in your craw forever.”
– Rebel ‘provocateur’ Gavin “Seig Heil, Haha Just Kidding, But Seriously, Seig Heil” McInnes, How To Piss In Public, 2012.

“I think it was 10 million Ukrainians who were killed. That was by Jews. That was by Marxist, Stalinist, left-wing, commie, socialist Jews.”
– McInnes, Mar. 11, 2017.

“I landed, and I’ve got tons of Nazi friends. David Duke and all the Nazis totally think I rock. No offence, Nazis, I don’t want to hurt your feelings, but I don’t like you. I like Jews.”
– er, Mar. 12.

What a prickly pear for Ezra Levant, for once stuck issuing grovels over stupid shit he hadn’t even said.

The Rebel Obergruppenführer instead found himself aggressively contextualizing his laugh-a-decade unfunnyman Gavin McInnes‘ penseés on the Jews and the Holocaust, shot live from the gang’s trip to Israel.

McAnus, Kanata’s less-hygenic Tom Green, confided his sojourn in the Holy Land was turning him anti-Semitic, and saucily trotted out some hey-maybe-three-million-just-tripped-and-fell knee slappers. When the Scheisse hit the fan and he started getting attaboys from the likes of David Duke and Richard Spencer,  the video was abruptly  deep-sixed from Youtube over ‘copyright infringement.’

Just jokes, folks, quoth a po-faced Lügenpants: “Gavin McInnes, our zany commentator, well, he made some off-colour comments as he does pretty much every day, that’s his schtick. But he went pretty far this time. It was for another TV company he works for too but he corrected them on our channel, and I’m glad he did.”

Shades of Levant’s excuses for Milo Yiannopoulos, the alt.right braunshirtlifter originally booked for last November’s Rebel Hate Boat Cruise. Posing as ‘Caroline,’ a potential customer, Frank called and expressed reservations about sharing a poop deck with ol’ Alphabits.

“Let me tell you a little bit about Milo,” soothed Ezra. “He’s a controversial figure, he’s also fascinating and outrageous and sympathetic and not sympathetic at the same time…He’s got a persona of what he calls an ‘alpha homo.’ That’s sort of a schtick.”

In the event, Milo cancelled on the cruise, and Ezra’s gone eerily silent on his alpha homo hero ever since his bon mots about pedophilia skeeved out all right-thinking racists last month.

Ez, noting the “edgy” McInnes had “walked back some of his comments about Jews and the Holocaust” briskly moves on in the first five minutes of his kneebender, devoting the rest of the vid to the real enemy: lefty activist Jews who totally hate Israel and can’t take a little affectionate Holocaust joshing, to wit: Michael Cornhole (Fake Jews!), Jonathan Kay (owl molester!) and Jesse Brown (ham sandwich!).

As for McInnes, the 46-year-old dudebro comes by his fascinated ambivalence vis-a-vis Nazis honestly, judging by his 2012 memoir How To Piss In Public, which revisits countless lad’s own adventures (100 per cent true, he insists, or he’ll pay you $1,000) like the time he gave himself an STD, or threw a KKK-themed bachelor party. That Gavin! (“I spent a week with him in Israel, I haven’t laughed that much or that hard since I was a child,” smarms Ezra.)

He also relates his many formative run-ins with the beautiful, dangerous skinheads of the mean streets of Ottawa in a chapter entitled “Stomped By Very Stylish Nazis (1988)”:

“We tried to fight these guys, but it was like fairies trying to wrestle Skeletor. Not only were we outmatched, we were outviolenced. It wasn’t unusual to be sitting at a house party drinking beer and have a dozen of them swarm through the front door smashing everyone (women included) with baseball bats, only to disappear out the back as quickly as they came…For the most part the ‘Boneheads’ met little resistance stealing our beer, our girlfriends, and even our boots.”

Indeed, Young Gav’ runs into a gang of the glabrous goons, who demand his Doc Martens forthwith. He runs:

“I don’t know if you’ve ever been chased by a gang of homeless Nazi skinheads before, but they look really awesome. Time goes very slowly when your brain is releasing its own amphetamines and I could see them jumping over people in slow motion with their perfect cuffs and their straightlaced leather boots. The bomber jackets seemed to be made for running and the neat white shirts with suspenders and short-cropped hair looked so badass, I wanted an oil painting of my imminent demise.”

Alas, while he admires this tableau of thoroughbred gorgeousness, pursuit is actually moving at normal speed, and McInnes, despite faking a spinal injury, is kicked most satisfactorily, relieved of his boots and left with only insight:

“That’s the thing about being male: You quickly forget the times you were victorious. It’s the times you pussied out that stick in your craw forever.”