Go Down Moses: Globe probes Znaimer horndoggin’

Don’t look now, but the MeToo media lynch mob has a new designated dick.

Step forward, Moses Znaimer, CITY-TV/MuchMusic founder and bulb-headed Zardoz, who once upon a time drifted over Queen Street with no visible means of support.

Why it took so long for the Mrs. Grundies at the Globe and Mail to get around to the leathery media mogul is beyond us. Rumours have circulated for years about his casting couch capers with numerous, illiterate and leggy waifs hired for CITY-TV.

We can only presume the dreary daily was tired of getting beaten on sexual misconduct scoops by their competitors, so they decided to beat the bushes for their own, high-profile stickman to string up on the front pages.

Enter Moses.

The way we hear it, the Globe has been sniffing around Znaimer for months, led by intrepid gumshoes Simon HouptAndrew “Golly” Gee and Tavia Grant. Thankfully, whatever dirt the national pifflesheet might unearth will have zero effect on Moses’ ZoomerMedia stock, which at .05 cents is already in Sandy McTire territory. (What Moses’ sugar daddy Prem Watsa, who bankrolls Zoomer, will make of any shenanigans the Globe uncovers is another matter.)

Among Moses’ former flunkies interviewed by the Globe was none other John Gallagher, the old CITY jock sniffer, who immediately hopped on FaceBook to warn “fellow members under the CHUMbrella” that the Globe was on the hunt.

“Now, while I regard Moses Znaimer as a friend and a mentor,” Gallagher wrote, “It was an—ahem—interesting place to work especially after hours.”

Presumably, the Globe sleuths have also been digging into Moses’ personal documents and “ephemera”, which he generously donated to the University of Toronto’s rare book library in 1999. For his selflessness, the Great Canadian™ trousered a $100K tax receipt in return for his legacy stash, which reportedly contained a well-thumbed collection of porn mags, boxes of Ginseng and autographed condoms.

As master of his domain, Moses’ quote to the National Post in January 2003, pretty much summed up his life philosophy:

“’Empower the beaver’ is an idea I wanted to share with Michael Budman of Roots. Souvenir stores are filled with teddy bears and moose, but not stuffed beaver. I think that needs to change. We need to fill the beaver gap.”

And so he did.


4 comments on “Go Down Moses: Globe probes Znaimer horndoggin’
  1. stagetek says:

    Does that means that in the process of Znaimer and Budman empowering the Beaver it becomes split?

  2. daveS says:

    And Susanne Boyd (left) and Stacey McKenzie (right) at the 2017 Mirror Ball have nothing to do with this story?

  3. John MacLachlan Gray says:

    I think we need to give Moses a pass, to shield ourselves from the mental imagery.

  4. Patrick60 says:

    Does Marylin know about this??

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