CORONAVIRUS SPECIAL! STOCKPILE FRANK TODAY!!
Q: Is it time to panic now?
A: Nope. You have news professionals — and Joe Wormington! — to do it for you.
Inoculate yourself against pants-wetting mainstream media with a Frank sub. My organ got you through SARS, MERS, Anthrax and Ebola. We’ll get you through this with a smirk or die trying.
In the meantime, there are a few simple things we can all do:
1. Abstain from all braunnosing;
2. Consider just getting a kneeover;
3. If you must bust a headvalve, do it into a pillow, which should then be disposed of, never bitten.
Readers may experience much wheezy laughter. Don’t panic. That’s a Frank feature, and not, thankfully, a bug.
Hypochondriac? We share your symptoms! Upgrade your splendid self-isolation with a sanitary online sub!
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– $129.95 annually; $14.95 monthly (online only)
– Subscribe at www.frankmag.ca
– Email firstname.lastname@example.org
– Or call (613) 762-4541