CORONAVIRUS SPECIAL! STOCKPILE FRANK TODAY!!

Q: Is it time to panic now?

A: Nope. You have news professionals — and Joe Wormington! — to do it for you.

Inoculate yourself against pants-wetting mainstream media with a Frank sub. My organ got you through SARS, MERS, Anthrax and Ebola. We’ll get you through this with a smirk or die trying.

In the meantime, there are a few simple things we can all do:

1. Abstain from all braunnosing;

2. Consider just getting a kneeover;

3. If you must bust a headvalve, do it into a pillow, which should then be disposed of, never bitten.

Readers may experience much wheezy laughter. Don’t panic. That’s a Frank feature, and not, thankfully, a bug.

Hypochondriac? We share your symptoms! Upgrade your splendid self-isolation with a sanitary online sub!

Get your potentially life-saving hot Frank injection for only:

– $129.95 annually; $14.95 monthly (online only)

– Subscribe at www.frankmag.ca

– Email subscriptions@frankmag.ca

– Or call (613) 762-4541

2 comments on “CORONAVIRUS SPECIAL! STOCKPILE FRANK TODAY!!
  1. stagetek says:

    “Inoculate yourself against pants-wetting mainstream media with a Frank sub. My organ got you through SARS, MERS, Anthrax and Ebola. We’ll get you through this with a smirk or die trying.”

    Yeah, but where were you on the great Paraquat scare of the ’70s?

  2. OJM says:

    Why should I pay through the nose for brand-name Frank? Shurely there must be cheaper generic versions available. (Or is THAT the reason Barry Sherman got whacked?)

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