It is with regret and a familiar weariness that we announce the disqualification of Patrick Brown from Frank’s Top 100 Wankers to Watch in 2022-23 amid, er, allegations.
An undeniable natural talent with a long and spotty career in onanism, Mr. Brown was in contention this year for an unprecedented second #1 Wanker of Year.
Serious questions, however, have arisen. They include, but are not limited to, how such a quantity of self-pleasing was, or ever could be, performed by a single self.
We can be no more specific while Elections Canada phallometrists complete their investigation, but the alleged wanking infractions, as is so often the case with Mr. Brown, are awkward, discomfiting, and could this time result in a lifetime ban. We can say no more, but may issue periodic insinuations.
It has always been Frank’s position that there is no shame in an honest wank, but Mr. Brown’s continued involvement would only risk making it all seem dirty.
We apologize to Mr. Brown’s suspiciously high number of nominators this year. If you have not registered a second choice, or have not yet voted, nominate Frank’s Top 100 Wankers here!